Give Yourself A Break!

I just had a few pretty lousy days. I wasn't disciplined enough. I need to be doing more. I have responsibilities that I'm not getting fulfilled. I'm really not performing up to my own standards, and God forbid that one of you should have a look into my daily life right now. But you know what? It’s okay. It's really okay. I've made the decision that no matter how poor my personal habits, however much of a failure I feel that I have been today, regardless of how I think I have messed up my chances for God to really position me for success in life, I refuse to dwell on my performance any longer. My personal performance does not determine how much the Lord still loves me. It does not determine my future ability to grow into a man of great integrity and character. If anything, dwelling on the failures of this afternoon will do nothing more than keep me discouraged through the evening and cause me to have a terrible morning tomorrow. 

You know what? If you think that God can't use you anymore because you really did something terrible or stupid, you don't understand how great, and loving, and powerful is my God. If you think that a decision that you made last year has forever ruined your chances to have a truly happy, blessed, and successful life, you have not seen His greatness. When we spend time worrying about our past failures and mistakes, we cannot step into the new pathway that the Lord is opening for us today. To dwell on our old baggage and to believe that it has forever ruined us from success, is to say that we are far better at screwing up our lives than God is at redeeming them. This is the ultimate vanity...to make our own judgments about the ability of God to redeem our past and present circumstances. When we make our own judgments about our potential success, we always put God in a box and limit (in our minds) His ability to truly redeem us.

But God is in the business of redeeming men and women who's hearts are toward him. In fact, for us to say that God cannot make a victorious ending to our seriously flawed lives flies in the face of a mountain of testimonies in the Bible. Who were the great men and women of the Bible? What kind of people did God use? The great King David committed adultery and ignored God's directions by going live with his heathen enemies for a season. God used him to teach the whole world what it means to have a heart towards God. The Apostle Paul was a murderer guilty of executing Christians, but God used him to establish the majority of the New Testament books and teach us all about the power of the sacrifice of Jesus to save us forever from our sins. The Apostle Peter was called "Satan" by Jesus. He denied Jesus 3 times. But Jesus knew of his sin before he committed it, and told Peter that a great destiny still lie ahead for him. Moses murdered a man, and God made him the deliverer of Israel. Jacob lied, cheated, and stole, yet God chose him above his morally good brother as the lineage of the nation of Israel and of Jesus the Messiah. These are but a few of the examples of God's redeeming power. Yes indeed, His power to redeem is far greater than our power to mess things up. Would you believe that God cannot bring your life to success if he can do so with liars, cheats, murderers, adulterers, and frady cats? Maybe you are reading this and you ARE one of these terrible people. Take heart, you have examples in the Bible that prove God can redeem your life as well. There is no mistake too large. So give yourself a break! Quit listening to the lies of the enemy saying that you have committed the one sin or stupid act that can hinder your success forever. In God, there is no such thing. Let's begin having more faith in God's love and power than we do in our own weaknesses. When we are weak, then we are strong! Peace to the troubled heart.Â

A Different Perspective

Just lately I've realized that the Bible I read is not the same one I read oh, say 10+ years ago. Listening to some messages here lately, I've had to ask, "Is this the same Bible? I didn't know that was in there!"

The realization is that my perception of the Bible itself is changing--and how I see God, too. Thank the Lord!

When I was younger I would glean the scriptures for guidelines, boundaries and the general "thou shalt not" whether it be in that form or in a "do not" fashion. I was seeing God as a task master-- One who I could not disappoint or get angry with me if I wanted to be a "good" Christian. Thus, if you looked in my Bible back then, you would see all the commands highlighted in bright yellow, orange (rare), purple, blue or green. That way it would take you directly to the passage where you would be reminded of where you should not fail or break a rule.

Great, huh? 

Living a life where you are always afraid of failing or displeasing someone is not living.

Take Elisha, for example. Laying on a dead body was not allowed in those times. Even now you would seriously be frowned upon if you did that in a funeral parlor. Yet he did that and God raised the person from the dead. Therein lies seeing the true heart of God. Looking beyond the law.  Healing and wholeness.

What that speaks to me is of a life desiring to see what the heart of God is in a matter--and then doing it--even if it doesn't appear kosher to everybody.

Back to the Bible--I'm reading it in a new light. Seeing the bigger picture. Remembering the guidelines but following His leading instead. I think I've relied too much on my own efforts to obey--and fail--so that when I did mess up, I was the failure. 

Now I am actually reading what the Lord has to say about anything, something...me. It's so freeing to see that He isn't a taskmaster waiting for me to fail so that He can punish me, but rather a Father and Bridegroom who loves and a Friend and Brother who will care and cry with me.

It's just the tip of the iceburg. Get ready for the adventure!

 

P.S. Love God with everything you've got. Love your neighbor as yourself. Those are my new rules now. :) I still like to highlight, though. It makes Bible reading much more colorful.

Fretting and Resting

Fretting...Ah...what a euphemism for WORRY! I'm not worrying, just fretting. I don't know. It may have the same punch for you, but fretting has always had a sort of "lesser feel" to it for me. Regardless, it's one and the same.

There are so many things to think about when you have time to think about them. Usually it is at night when both the boys (yes, BOYS) are asleep--which is right now. It's like Song of Solomon 5:2

I was asleep, but my heart was awake...

Will Samuel's teeth grow straight...does it even matter because they will fall out in a few years? Silly things like that and more serious ones...

Tonight I asked God to show me what I looked like in the state of mind I was in. A picture came to mind: A large hand, palm up, with a girl pacing back and forth from one end of it to the fingertip and back again. Not falling off, mind you, but just pacing, pacing, pacing. Even in my own mind, I just wanted to yell, "Just stop and sit down!" Rest is another word for that.

These past few days have been great and terrible. Glorious to see the Hand of God in things happening and terrifying to experience Him hiding His face. Let me just quote Madame Guyon's book Experiencing God Through Prayer Chapter 5:

Although God has no other desire than to impart Himself to you, He frequently conceals Himself for a purpose. It may be to arouse you from laziness, or perhaps you have not been seeking Him in faith and love. But for whatever reason, He does so out of His abundant goodness and faithfulness to you. Often these apparent withdrawings of Himself are succeeded by the caresses of His love. During these seasons, you may begin to believe that the way to prove your faith is by a greater degree of affection or by an exertion of strength and activity. Surely, you may say this will induce God to revisit you. No, dear soul, believe me this is not the way. You must wait the return of the Beloved with patient love, humility, peace, and silent worship. By doing these things you demonstrate to the Father that it is Himself alone and His good pleasure that you seek and not the selfish delights of your own satisfaction. Don't be impatient in your times of dryness. Wait patiently for God. In doing so, your prayer life will increase and be renewed.

Rest. I love it. In a world where if you don't succeed, you try harder, do things faster, more, bigger, better! It's nice to know that God's got me and the whole world in His hands.

Inhale. Exhale. Rest. Just rest.

Veggie Tales!

Dear Samuel,
You love Veggie Tales. You love Bob. Everyone is Bob. Larry is Bob. Junior Asparagus is Bob. Bob is Bob. And you love the theme song! Daddy finally figured it out tonight when you got up to push some buttons on the DVD player. He saw that you would get up and try to replay it each time after the tuba-playing theme song. Once you got it to start over, you would just sway gently to the music and watch the screen. This time I held you in my lap and watched to see what you would do. Sure enough, after the theme song, you would get up and push a bunch of buttons in effort to play the song again. We are going to find the Silly Song DVDs! I am so glad you really like music. Mommy calls you her little head-banger. Tonight you did your head-banging to some music at the church. It was so cute and so terribly funny! You are such a character. Just wait--Mommy will teach you how to make all those faces.
I Love You!

It's Head-Slapping Funny!

Samuel, you are such a HAM! One of your favorite new ways to get laughs is to stop, look at us and slap yourself on the head. Usually this makes one of us laugh, and you laugh right along! You love, love, LOVE to put things in boxes and take things out. Mommy had some old computer disks that Daddy was going to throw away, but you discovered them and have had so much fun passing them back and forth to me through the dining room chairs. You love this. I can just sit there and you will hand them all to me, and then raise your hands palms up facing out as if asking, "What do I do now?" or "Where are the rest?". The funniest part is that you make this noise that just sounds like a question mark. It's an exclamation and question all at once. You use this for many different things when something runs out or you have a question about something.
You are the cutest little boy. Mommy loves you very much. Peaceful dreams, little one.

Learning to Wait

Patience has not historically been one of my strong points. I remember when I was about 20 in college, I could not wait to get married. The only problem was I didn't have anyone TO marry! I couldn't stand the suspense, so I prayed and asked the Lord to just let me know my future wife, even if we weren't ready to be married. This was a stupid thing for me to pray...essentially the same as praying for patience. I secretly thought that if I knew who God was going to bring for my wife, I could maybe speed things up a bit. (I'm sure this was pretty funny for God.) Well, I did meet my wife very shortly after that prayer, and I fell in love with her pretty early on. But God's plans to work patience in me were not to be thwarted, and I had to wait 7 years before we finally married. I was stubborn and didn't respond well to the waiting so I suffered a lot of unnecessary pain. In fact, the Lord did not work out our circumstances to marry until 6 1/2 years had passed, and I finally gave up trying to rush God's plans for my life. Shortly thereafter, everything fell into place and we were engaged.

This same scenario has happened over and over again in my life to the point where I have begun to understand how purposefully God has been trying to work this quality into my nature. It was only this past year as I read a book on divine healing that I finally came to a personal understanding that patience is a Fruit of the Spirit, and a vital character trait of those who will walk with God. More than that, patience must be joined with faith in order to obtain the promises of God for our lives (see Hebrews 6:12).

I think our society tends to view patience as being peaceful and passive. While there is an element of this for sure, I believe that patience is much more than that. I looked up the definitions in the Merriam-Webster dictionary online, and have listed 2 of the definitions below which I believe to be inseparable as it relates to walking with God:

1st definition - Bearing pains or trials calmly or without complaint

6th definition - Steadfast despite opposition, difficulty, or adversity

Probably the best way to express this idea is with another passage - Romans 8:25:

"But if we hope for what we do not yet have, we wait for it patiently."

This passage joins together the necessity of 'hoping' and 'waiting'. I share this today as a fresh word spoken from the Lord to myself. There are things I have been wanting and pursuing, and the Lord has made abundantly clear to me that he wants me to wait on his timing. Why? I dunno. Well, I know he is refining patience and trust in my heart. I know that when Abraham tried to rush the promises of God, he ended up with Ismael. The promised son (Isaac) came much later than he expected, and in a very miraculous way. Abraham learned to wait patiently, but not before he first took matters into his own hands attempting to fulfill God's promise for him. Because of his impatience, 2 nations of people are locked in mortal combat to this day. For once in my life I am begining to understand what patience looks like. It is peaceful trust joined with hopeful expectancy. As you wait on the promises of God to be fulfilled in your life, may you experience the peace AND anticipation of God's goodness.

Tokens of Love

The past 2 Sundays, I've attended a study held at the Zadok House of Prayer, and it has been so refreshing and needed. We hear so much about the power of God, but I need intimacy as well. I believe these go hand in hand. It's fuel for the fire.

They've been studying Song of Solomon, and it has been really awesome. The presence of the Lord has been delicious. Last week Dee Bennett, Kirk's wife, spoke and talked about tokens of God's affection towards us. Two women had given testimonies of tokens they'd received from the Lord: one, of a beautiful bouquet of roses found and the other, a recliner. Dee mentioned that she had received, on different occasions, 3 pairs of ruby earrings. The first two times she would wear them and then give them away. The 3rd time, they came with diamonds, and she has kept them. :) She also said that God has gifted women with an eye for things of beauty. She challenged us to ask for a token from the Lord as a sign of His affection.

I sat there thinking that I wasn't crazy for earrings or anything like that but what I would like would be a flower or such since I missed my garden. Towards the end of the meeting, she hands out a basket full of flowers and tells us to take one.

I smiled.

The basket came around, and I chose the one that caught my eye. A white flower with pink-rimmed petals, a little on the wilted side and unopened. I promptly stuck it in a grape (for hydration) which they had also provided for us to eat.

I came home and put the flower in water. The next day it started to open, nothing spectacular. But the next day it opened up and I suspected that it was a Campula, or bluebell. This one was white and pink which reminded me of when Samuel, our son, was born. My dad had brought me a bouquet of bluebells that drew the curiousity of the nurses and visitors because they were not commonly seen.

Not only did God speak of His affections for me as a Bridegroom in giving me a flower, but He reminded me of His Fatherly love as well. Isn't that just like God?

If you don't know Him in that way, just ask--and keep your eyes and ears open. He loves to impress. He loves to romance. He loves to woo.

That's my God.

Caffeine Withdrawal...

From the other side!

Haha...Ashley has decided for certain reasons to quit drinking caffeinated beverages, like coffee (which he loves) and Diet Pepsi. Hee hee. Yesterday he walked around in this daze and drank so much water to fend off his headache. We also went to the weekly Friday night meeting, and we came home early. Most people leave early because of their children's bedtimes, but this time we left for other reasons. :) We came home and he actually went to bed before Samuel and me. Usually he is the one who stays up after we go to bed, but he said that he couldn't even keep his eyes straight (from going cross-eyed), he was so tired. It is just so funny.

He's always had this tolerance to caffeinated drinks. He could have had any drink before bedtime and still have gone to bed. Me, on the other hand, no caffeine anything after 4 or 5. Ah, well. Pray for us.

Mistakes I WON'T Make Again

Mistakes I won't make again: letting you hold a tube of diaper cream while in my arms, as I get engrossed in other activities. A few evenings ago I was holding you and doing something that required my attention. You sometimes get in the mood of poking at my face and ears for fun, and this night you were putting your finger in my mouth so that I would bite it gently. For some reason, all babies seem to enjoy biting their own hands, and then sharing in the fun by letting their daddy bite their hand as well. The mind of a toddler is unique :) Anyway, after about 3 or 4 bites of your finger, I finally realized that is was creamier than usual (usually, no cream is involved period). I looked over and realized you had a tube of diaper cream in one hand, and a white creamy finger on the other. AAAHHHHHH! You're feeding me diaper cream from who knows where!!! We'll, I did know where, and it didn't bring me any comfort in knowing. What insued was a classic fit of spitting and tongue wiping to try and cleanse my tongue (and mind) of the event. The next time I bite your fingers, you had better believe I'll be looking first...and no more diaper cream tubes for YOU.
Love,
Baba