Fretting and Resting

Fretting...Ah...what a euphemism for WORRY! I'm not worrying, just fretting. I don't know. It may have the same punch for you, but fretting has always had a sort of "lesser feel" to it for me. Regardless, it's one and the same.

There are so many things to think about when you have time to think about them. Usually it is at night when both the boys (yes, BOYS) are asleep--which is right now. It's like Song of Solomon 5:2

I was asleep, but my heart was awake...

Will Samuel's teeth grow straight...does it even matter because they will fall out in a few years? Silly things like that and more serious ones...

Tonight I asked God to show me what I looked like in the state of mind I was in. A picture came to mind: A large hand, palm up, with a girl pacing back and forth from one end of it to the fingertip and back again. Not falling off, mind you, but just pacing, pacing, pacing. Even in my own mind, I just wanted to yell, "Just stop and sit down!" Rest is another word for that.

These past few days have been great and terrible. Glorious to see the Hand of God in things happening and terrifying to experience Him hiding His face. Let me just quote Madame Guyon's book Experiencing God Through Prayer Chapter 5:

Although God has no other desire than to impart Himself to you, He frequently conceals Himself for a purpose. It may be to arouse you from laziness, or perhaps you have not been seeking Him in faith and love. But for whatever reason, He does so out of His abundant goodness and faithfulness to you. Often these apparent withdrawings of Himself are succeeded by the caresses of His love. During these seasons, you may begin to believe that the way to prove your faith is by a greater degree of affection or by an exertion of strength and activity. Surely, you may say this will induce God to revisit you. No, dear soul, believe me this is not the way. You must wait the return of the Beloved with patient love, humility, peace, and silent worship. By doing these things you demonstrate to the Father that it is Himself alone and His good pleasure that you seek and not the selfish delights of your own satisfaction. Don't be impatient in your times of dryness. Wait patiently for God. In doing so, your prayer life will increase and be renewed.

Rest. I love it. In a world where if you don't succeed, you try harder, do things faster, more, bigger, better! It's nice to know that God's got me and the whole world in His hands.

Inhale. Exhale. Rest. Just rest.