When I was courting my wife, we had lots of people around us that supported our relationship and provided buffers when conflict arose between us. To this day I still feel sorry for a few of those pour souls who really endured the torture of many conflicted nights listening to me ramble about the complexities of our relationship. But there was a very clear and crisp change in the behavior of our friends and family when we finally announced our engagement and began a period of pre-marital counseling. From there on out, I noticed the sense of sovereignty that our supporters placed on our upcoming covenant, and their understanding that we must now begin to have no others between us. Instead, we must begin to launch into the true depths of intimate relationship that could stand no other mediator between us. It was a sober realization that I would now have to step up to the plate to solve problems, pursue my wife, and mend any conflict between us...most of the time without ever mentioning it to my poor friends who had already born so much of our conflict. It has been a wonderful experience of intimacy and a great experiment in learning selflessness.
The Lord seems to work much the same way in our relationship with Him. In early stages of knowing Him, our relationship with Him is patched and resolved by many respected mentors that serve as a sort of mediator in our relationship. Most people find some confort in bringing any deep conflict with the Lord to a friend who might be able to listen and help them sort through the conflicts of the relationship. But when covenant insues and the deep intimacy can no longer tolerate a mediator, we must step up to the demands of a serious and intimate relationship with the most complex (and yet simple) being that exists in the universe. For some, they never cross the threshhold into true intimacy because they fear navigating the relationship without a mediator. But sometimes the Lord "helps" the process by eliminating those mediators from the picture.
It is the goodness of God to do such a thing, but it seems so painful at the time because we have learned to lean on mediators instead of going directly to the Source of our faith. The deepest, most intimate experiences are not the ones where we have all the answers to the conflicts, but where we learn to lean heavily into the face of God not knowing all the answers, and not being able to share the conflict with another soul.
These days, I find myself praying one simple prayer through these intimate, conflicted situations..."Lord, please show me your heart on this matter."
