Hawkins Adventure

Windows 7 Wireless Adapter Solution

2009-12-05T21:05:00.000-05:00

Here's the skinny:

I just upgraded my HP laptop to Windows 7 and my wireless card quit working. It showed a strong connection with my router, but there was no bandwidth to be had. I have the Atheros AR5009 chipset and my google searching did not bring me to a quick solution. The HP support site for my PC had several optional upgrades, but I couldn't find one posted for the wireless adapter. Atheros didn't have one posted either.

I finally found 2 useful sites that are posted below, which gave me 2 checkpoints to verify.

1) BIOS upgrade

2) Driver uprade

The BIOS happened to be upgraded during the Windows 7 upgrade process. I verified the latest from HP's site. Note that the latest driver on HP's site is published as "F.52A". However, in my BIOS, it was listed as "F.52". I ran the upgrade, but it did not give me the "A". I guess it was already up to date.

Then, having stumbled upon a Windows 7 upgrade for the Atheros AR5009 on Compac's website, I gave that a shot. It fixed it instantly. I now have good crisp wireless connectivity again.

http://tiny.cc.F2VM6

http://tiny.cc/hafbH

Happy Hunting!

No More Mediators

2009-07-10T22:06:00.000-04:00

When I was courting my wife, we had lots of people around us that supported our relationship and provided buffers when conflict arose between us. To this day I still feel sorry for a few of those pour souls who really endured the torture of many conflicted nights listening to me ramble about the complexities of our relationship. But there was a very clear and crisp change in the behavior of our friends and family when we finally announced our engagement and began a period of pre-marital counseling. From there on out, I noticed the sense of sovereignty that our supporters placed on our upcoming covenant, and their understanding that we must now begin to have no others between us. Instead, we must begin to launch into the true depths of intimate relationship that could stand no other mediator between us. It was a sober realization that I would now have to step up to the plate to solve problems, pursue my wife, and mend any conflict between us...most of the time without ever mentioning it to my poor friends who had already born so much of our conflict. It has been a wonderful experience of intimacy and a great experiment in learning selflessness.

The Lord seems to work much the same way in our relationship with Him. In early stages of knowing Him, our relationship with Him is patched and resolved by many respected mentors that serve as a sort of mediator in our relationship. Most people find some confort in bringing any deep conflict with the Lord to a friend who might be able to listen and help them sort through the conflicts of the relationship. But when covenant insues and the deep intimacy can no longer tolerate a mediator, we must step up to the demands of a serious and intimate relationship with the most complex (and yet simple) being that exists in the universe. For some, they never cross the threshhold into true intimacy because they fear navigating the relationship without a mediator. But sometimes the Lord "helps" the process by eliminating those mediators from the picture.

It is the goodness of God to do such a thing, but it seems so painful at the time because we have learned to lean on mediators instead of going directly to the Source of our faith. The deepest, most intimate experiences are not the ones where we have all the answers to the conflicts, but where we learn to lean heavily into the face of God not knowing all the answers, and not being able to share the conflict with another soul.

These days, I find myself praying one simple prayer through these intimate, conflicted situations..."Lord, please show me your heart on this matter."

Forming New Words

2009-06-04T15:05:00.000-04:00

Samuel is a hungry learner. His favorite shows are Caillou and Electric Company. At night while I lay on the bed with him winding down, he wants to throw electric word-balls at the wall. We read books and he picks out the words he can read and says them. He says, "Can you spell that word?" He is daily learning bigger words and the more expanded context of sharing with me what happened this morning and what will happen tomorrow. I'm continually amazed.

This week Karen bought some honeydew melon for us to eat. It was very sweet and yummy. She asked him if he wanted some more honeydew melon. He said, "Yes, I would like some more cock-a-doo"! :)

New Photos

2009-04-04T16:04:00.000-04:00

http://picasaweb.google.com/hidemethen/JanuaryFebruaryAroundTheHouse#

Website Changes

2009-03-30T16:01:00.000-04:00

Hi Everyone,
I am typing for Ashley. We've been experiencing technical difficulties due to all of Ashley's tinkering with the website (he admits this). We've had to amputate a leg, and we'll be modifying/upgrading over the next month. We've have lots in store that we want to share, so keep checking in. For those of you who received email updates no longer will for the short term. We will inform you by email if that feature becomes available again.

3 Words I Can't Resist

2009-03-29T18:27:00.000-04:00

Can you guess which words I'm thinking of? No, it's not I LOVE YOU. These 3 words come from my kids, namely, Samuel.

Mommy, I'm hungry.

I don't know what it is about those words, but inwardly I am compelled to give him (and often Alabaster is included just because she wants to eat) something. It is as if something in me leaps to respond to this. I can be busy doing 5 different things at once, but when he says this, I am usually quick to respond. The simple request offered in faith/hope that mommy will give him something good (and hopefully tasty) to eat...
I can only imagine what this is like for God, our heavenly Father. I see through my own experience with Samuel that God doesn't require us to have everything in our lives perfect before he will answer when we ask in faith or make us jump through religious hoops so that we will be healed. He won't give me a stone when I ask for bread. If I can respond in this way to my son when he asks, how much more does God do that?

Stirring Video - Republic or Democracy?

2009-01-31T05:51:00.000-05:00

http://www.wimp.com/thegovernment

My father sent this link to me recently. It is very stirring. Please have a look.

Growing in more ways than one

2009-01-23T19:17:00.000-05:00

I am writing to update you and brag a little on how my husband is maturing in his role as the "woo-er" in the family. I hope he passes this wonderful trait and pattern on to Samuel for his future bride.

Our marriage's start in romance declined a little after the honeymoon, partly due to the stuff of life, but that is the past. This year has been quite exceptional. Be inspired, men! Go and be chivalrous! Love! Jump over mountains and woo your bride again--just as Christ does for us.

I'll just mention a few things that were exceptional to me. One morning as he rushed out the door to work, he handed me this note that said "Open Immediately". With a grin, he ran out the door. I smirked and opened it to find:

TOP SECRET TRANSMISSION

Agent Karen Hawkxxx,

An enemy to the Romance Republic has infiltrated our ranks. You alone are our greatest hope to uncover the masquerade and restore the Republic.

Your assignment, if you choose to accept it (if the kids are in a good mood and the weather is halfway decent), is to meet at the rendezvous point in disguise as a mommy with 2 children. Your cover will be to eat a hamburger and let Sammy play on the playground where you will meet up with Agent XOXO at approximately 1200 hours. He will deliver "The Package". The coordinates of the rendevous point are:

35.093414, -80.858454
(use google maps)

If you are unable to accept the assignment, please call headquarters at XXX-XXX-3901.

Warning: This message WILL NOT self destruct in 5 seconds.

It wasn't for a special occasion, and we did end up eating a hamburger with the kids playing on the playground at the Burger King near his workplace. :) Alabaster fell asleep. I got a great little package of chocolates out of the deal, but it meant more than that to me. It was the fact that he took the time out to make my day special...

Take the time out today to be thankful for those around you as well as remembering how Jesus does little things in your life to make your day special. He loves you, you know.

God Bless,
Karen

P.S. You should look up those coordinates on Google Maps just for fun!

Rejoicing/Mourning the Passage of Time

2009-01-23T04:06:00.000-05:00

I think the passage of time is somehow more noticeable when you have kids. Take Alabaster, for instance. She is now 14 months and still growing. Samuel is now 3 and a half and I wonder when he will stop growing-I want him to stay just as small as he is so that one day I won't have to look up to discipline him.

When I stop to live in the moment, I am amazed at how they have changed. Allie's toddling around the house and learning how to stand on her own 2 feet, particularly when big brother knocks her down again. Samuel is learning to write and things are becoming more and more fine tuned. I just wonder what I am missing when I am not looking. I am so glad they are growing up, but it is bittersweet.

Alabaster is the beautiful little girl who has this almost-impish grin that I just love. It's one of those grins where you don't want to believe that she is capable of any mischief but has the potential to be a handful. I can't believe she has grown up to this point in her life already. She is much more vocal than Samuel was at that age. Ashley says it's because she's a girl, and I have to agree. She loves her "opp-uh" (apple), and bobs her head/whole body when she is telling you yes. With her selective tastes, one day she will love a particular snack, and the next day (after I've purchased more of the previous) she will turn her nose up at it...but she'll come back to it again eventually...or so I hope.

Samuel is a fast learner. The past few days, he has led the dinnertime prayer for us. With both kids in booster seats, we will all hold hands and he wll pray: Je-jus, thank you for our food...and for my wice (lets go of my hand to point at it and holds my hand again). In Je-jus name (looks up at me and grins), A-men!
Sometimes he'll ask, "Wight (right)?" and then he applauds for himself. It just warms my heart.

It's something I am just amazed at when I think of how precious and valuable these kids are...how their little hands are capable of building and tearing things down, for hitting each other and then for coming up and patting your face with love and giving you a big hug and sloppy wet kiss. And that's just the tip of the iceberg. Nothing can really compare.

Goals vs Destiny

2009-01-10T06:52:00.000-05:00

Happy New Year to everyone. With Christmas and New Year's behind us, I have been considering the direction that lies ahead for our family. I've been trying to find moments of time to scratch down goals and talk with Karen about what the year holds. After wrapping up a last few "Thank You" cards, we will quickly focus on what lies ahead. But one of the most profound things I've discovered since we made the move to Charlotte, is that having goals isn't quite the same as having a sense of destiny.

Growing up, I always suffered from lack of goals and "progress" that I felt was tangible. I remember attending events and listened to successful people who talked about making goals, but when I tried to do it, I would find it to be an empty proposition. Even if I squeaked out a few goals on paper, I couldn't muster the discipline to actually follow through. My heart usually wasn't in these goals because I had made them up to try to feel good about having a life purpose, and I knew that they would be "worthy" things to accomplish.

The deeper issue that I could not understand at the time, is that goals can only be built on the foundation of true destiny. Destiny is the core expression of who we are. It is the passions and desires in our heart that provide energy to move forward against all oppositions. Goals are simply the steps required to complete that destiny. But if the destiny is not clear, it is impossible to write down the goals. When this happens, we often feel frustrated with life and our own performance, and lose heart that our lives will ever amount to anything. But often times, even in these periods of frustration, God is refining our trust and character.

Since childhood, I can look back and identify that sense of destiny threaded through various thoughts, activities, and events that took place in my life. But the trick was pealing back the "layers" to get to the heart of that destiny. This is the hard part. Often times, peeling back those layers involves blind obedience (or perhaps faith is a better word) to the leading of God, when we have not yet come to grips with who we are and the gift that is dormant inside of us. I firmly believe that many people never make it this far simply because they aren't willing to take a risk and come to the place where God is calling them to come. Whether that place is a move to a new physical location, or a life event change, or what have you, we must be willing to step into the invitation to follow God to the next phase of life. If we don't, we will find ourselves stagnated in the very circumstances of life that used to provoke passion and excitement. Many Christians think it is evil to follow after such passions, and I admit that there is a balance between being "flighty/uncommitted" and being courageous enough to take a risk. Often that difference lies in the character that God is trying to work out in our personality. The best litmus test for this is to ask yourself whether you are running AWAY FROM a circumstance or responsibility, or if you are running TO a great one. But all of that aside, Christians at large suffer more from fear of taking a true risk in life than from being flighty.

I wouldn't dare put a formula to this process of uncovering true destiny because I believe it is different for each person. As Aslan says in "Prince Caspian", "Things never happen the same way twice." But I know that for me personally, marriage was one key to unlocking that destiny. The relationship spawned between my wife's own sense of destiny and mine created a synergy that has continued to move us forward much farther than we could have gone alone. Another key was making the move to Charlotte for the Morningstar School of Ministry. This was a tremendous risk with no sense of tangible reward. A third key has been a divine appointment to work with my current employer. I have found that being willing to move with the Lord's first call, often leads to the next call...in ever increasing frequency. Many people have not considered that they might should be living in a different city, or working for an employer making half of their current salary. Why? Because they are all risks. Here again, I do not want to set formulas, but merely to challenge the status quo in our lives. Comfort is the greatest enemy of destiny. It is in accepting God's invitation (taking the risk) that we find keys that unlock the doors leading to the core of our being. Every key moves us closer to the heart of what we are created to be...to the place of passionate destiny.

My experience was that between the key of marriage and the key of moving to Charlotte, I spent 4 years wondering what was the next step. All the while I was serving in a ministry and allowing God to form a level of character in my through ministry and marriage. The third key took one year. And now, it seems like keys happen monthy in some form or another. God has detailed and elaborate plans in store for us, which sometimes require fundamental changes in our life experiences and understanding of life, and knowledge of the world. Until we accept the first invitation, these changes cannot be made. Once the process begins, we experience layer upon layer being peeled back to our heart as one experience/training builds upon the next. In this process of following God's invitations, goals are good to have in place to give sharper direction to daily activities. But don't mistake having a list of goals for having connected with your full purpose. Instead, while unlocking your purpose, create goals. Since coming to this realization, I've been able to rest alot more in times when I am feeling frustrated about lacking true purpose. I realize that God (not the Devil) is in the details. Each transition, each circumstance, and often the frustrations we experience, are all part of the process of moving into true destiny. My friend, don't let fear or circumstances, or people hold you back from accepting God's invitation. Welcome to passion.

Get Smart

2008-11-27T05:19:00.000-05:00

I was going to entitle this "Getting too Smart", but "Get Smart" seems to be a little more appropriate...here's what I mean.

Sammy is getting smart enough to know when we are laughing at his antics and funny pronunciations now. It's kind of sad because he has brought so much laughter through these things, and now he is becoming too self-conscious and we must be careful not to offend him. He wants to be taken seriously...so much like myself at a young age.

Some of the many words that Sammy tickles us with are "Woord" - Lord, "Gwiril" - Girl, and the infamous "Com-Peter" - otherwise known as the "computer". Recently, as Samuel told us he wanted to go play the "Com-Peter", he caught on the Karen and I were tickled by his pronunciation, so he decided to work on it with more gusto. "Com-Pooter" is what came out. We couldn't help but laugh even more, to Samuel's dismay. So in place of words, he is now picking up much of Karen's body and facial language to show his exasperation. It's quite entertaining, and reminds me of some of the endearing qualities for which I married my wife.

Fuzzy Logic

2008-11-21T04:34:00.000-05:00

Maybe it's a little mean, but one of my favorite things to do knowadays is as Samuel "Why?". He's just been learning the whole "Why" - "Because" concept of logic. It's funny how they pick everything up just by mimicking us and learning our behavior...funny AND scary too! He really doesn't care for me to go to work, and would rather I stay home and play with him all day. So the other day on they way out the door, he said, "Ba ba, no go to work today." I said, "Why?" He said, "Because....(wheels turning).... (a little more wheels turning)....I want you to stay home. Mommy go to work!"

It's lovely observing your children mature.

Wonder-boy!

2008-11-20T00:47:00.000-05:00

Samuel is the wonder nowadays.

He is constantly amazing us with words, actions and stunts that leave us gaping. Ashley gets up in the mornings and takes Samuel downstairs to spend some time with the Lord. Sometimes this works and sometimes not. On one of these days, we were sitting down for lunch when I hear him mumbling something while seated. I asked him, "What did you say?" He responds, "I'm talking to Jesus!"
"Oh...what did you say?" Still playing with his fingers, "I said, 'Hi Ba-ba'. "

Another time we were getting in the car to go to the store, and he was getting in his new car seat. It looks like something an astronaut would sit in. He is learning to click the seat belt into place, and he wants to do it himself. He needed help that day, and so he said, "I need some help, Mom." And so I turn around from the front to help. For some reason, I was having trouble that day, and we are both grunting with effort. Then he pipes up, "Help, Word! (Lord)" That just makes me laugh because he's probably heard it from me, but it makes my heart glad. He's learning. He's perceiving. And that makes it all worth it. What a precious little boy.

Election Influences Pt 2

2008-11-04T05:53:00.000-05:00

The greatest argument I have heard from some of my beloved Christian friends who are voting for Obama, is that they believe the democratic party (and Obama specifically) is more aligned with the values of Christianity. More specifically, that they are more interested in caring for the poor and underprivileged in our country. Its sort of an old Robin Hood idea...that we should steal from the rich corporations and give the the poor underprivileged. Its a reasonable idea that those with plenty should share with those who have little. This is extremely biblical. But considering the man they are about to endorse, this argument falls fatally short of the bigger picture about whether or not Barack Obama is aligned with Christian principles. Because most of you are tired of reading, I will make my points as clearly and quickly as possible:

* Is it really Christ-like to take care of the poor, and re-open the door for the horriendous practice of partial-birth-abortion? This is the most hiddeous form of murder, where a child is actually born in breach, completely viable and healthy, and stabbed in the back to make sure he dies before his head clears the womb. Arguably, the plight of these partially born children are the poorest of the poor...stabbed in the back and killed at their first opportunity of life. I wonder if they would vote for Obama?

* Is it really Christ-like to plan to distance ourselves from support of Israel in favor of their enemies surrounding them in the Middle East? Scriptures are clear that God will bless those who bless Israel, and curse those that curse Israel.

* Is it really Christ-like for a man to spend 20 years in a church that curses America, and run for President of the nation? One might argue that this is off topic to "Christ-likeness". I disagree. Wasn't it Jesus who said, "Every kingdom divided against itself will be ruined". Can a man spend 20 years in that type of environment without being affected?

* Is it really Christ-like to plan to lead a nation without standing for any moral decency simply because people from different ethnic backgrounds and walks of life disagree on what principles embody morality? If our leaders do not lead with morality and decency, what hope have the people for a role model? The kings of scripture had a great responsibility for leading the people into righteousness or sin. The people always followed to their blessing, or their doom. You might argue that we have a republic and not a kingdom, but regardless, the President of the United States is still a primary role model of the people, and the epitome of leadership in the western world.

* Is it really Christ-like for the government to feed the poor for us? Shouldn't we be doing that ourselves? Jesus told the disciples, "You feed them." The government has more waste than almost any other organization at delivering funds to people in need. Compared to faith based organizations, is the government our best option for taking care of the needy? There are plenty of specialty relief organizations that offer much better efficiency rates at transferring money to the people in need. Why should our government run the relief effort in our nation? Churches with a fraction of the funding did a better job during Hurricane Katrina. Isn't the job of our Federal Government to protect us, and to provide infrastructure for the PEOPLE to accomplish the mandates of life?

Election Influences Pt 1

2008-11-04T04:26:00.000-05:00

While I do not consider myself a person deeply facinated by politics, I understand that like it or not, politicians form the world in which we live. I have a deep conviction to know who I am voting for, and I won't will not vote for politicians running unless I am aware of the issues at hand. At the eleventh hour, I have been doing some more research in hopes to offer a clear answer to anyone who asks me who I voted for and why. With all the accusations flying both directions, I haven't had time to investigate every lead. But the following article is perhaps the clearest, logical, and most damning article that I have read concerning any of the candidates running for presidency.

***************************************************************************

The article below was written by syndicated columnist, Thomas Sowell, a black man. He wrote it in a humorous way this past week in a column titled "Random Thoughts" and published it in newspapers nationally, so maybe you've already seen it. If not, be my guest:

Senator John McCain could never convince me to vote for him. Only Hillary Clinton or Barack Obama can cause me to vote for McCain.

After long and serious thought, I have decided to endorse Senator John McCain for President.

I have always voted for the person and have not voted for anyone because some political party was telling me who I should vote for.

We all know the choices by now and, that said, I do believe that the process of selecting a chief executive is deeply flawed. The words "money" and "special interests" come to mind, among many others.

Here's the way I see it:

Barack Obama, you are a fine public speaker. You are also an extremely liberal Senator from the State of Illinois , which has a long and rich history of political corruption of the first magnitude. You are indeed a child of that system.

You have finally insulted my intelligence far beyond my capacity to tolerate your insults. It has nothing at all to do with your skin color. As a matter of fact, it would be so COOL to finally have an African-American for President. What a great statement that would be to the entire world that we are indeed the greatest country on earth!

But, unfortunately, General Colin Powell is not running, and YOU are NOT the man for this job !

Barack baby, you want me to believe that you have never heard the sermons of your own pastor, the Right Reverend "God Damn America" Jeremiah Wright. It is a matter of record that this has been your church for over 20 years. It is a matter of record that you were married there by this very pastor, and that your children were baptized there.

The good Reverend saw fit to visit Khadafy in Libya with you and to give a lifetime achievement award to Louis Farrakhan, of all people.

We have all now seen excerpts of his sermons all over the airwaves by now. And you have publicly stated that this man IS your "spiritual mentor."

BUT, your pastor is NOT the reason I am NOT voting for you. His words were disturbing enough, but it is your own HUGE church congregation, seen jumping, hooting and howling to his words in the background that disturb me the most. And please don't tell me you attended church there and never once heard a "discouraging word" in the 20 years you attended there. Don't tell me, that in addition to the good reverend, that you are now not having anything to do with all those other people seen hooting and howling out in the audience in the background of his fiery tirades. Even Oprah Winfrey got disgusted and walked out on your campaign. I am no Oprah fan, but still she did the right thing.

Now you look me in the eye and ask me to believe that you never heard such language in all the years you attended there! This is like me telling you that I attended dozens of Klan rallies and never once heard the "N" word. Yep. And Bill Clinton "did not inhale".

Yes, Mr. Obama, we all have friends who have said stupid things that embarrassed us, but NOW you have asked me to believe something that is so incredibly stupid that you are telling me that I am just stupid enough to believe you. THAT is the main reason that I will never vote for you.

I am deeply sorry, that in a country teeming with enormously talented African Americans who would make a good President that the political system has chosen YOU. You are a pathetic and plastic excuse for an American, who will not even salute the Flag during the Pledge of Allegiance. God forbid you ever get near the Oval Office.

Which leaves us with Senator John McCain.

John, you are a flawed man. You are a bit old, a bit looney, and you have a notoriously bad temper. This perfectly qualifies you, in my humble opinion, to lead us for the next eight years. I WANT your trembling hand on the nuclear button.

Think about it.
We have Kim Jong IL, Chavez and Ahmadenijad all running around like lunatics, threatening America and threatening to plunge the world into nuclear Armageddon. We have Putin and the Chinese blustering and rattling their sabers at us. I want John McCain in the Oval Office and I want him to be really ticked off at all these other nut jobs around the planet.

John, once you are elected, I want you to go into the Oval Office and throw one of your perfect FITS. Jump up and down and throw something through a plate glass window. Rip the drapes down and foam at the mouth a bit. And I want the whole thing on camera so that Ahmadinejad can see it. I want ALL of these "world leaders" to lay awake at night and to break out in a cold sweat every time they think of messing with the United States of America .

I want the nuclear button sitting right next to the alarm clock on your night stand. I want pictures of this to be sent to Iran , Russia , China , Venezuela , Cuba , Libya , Syria , Pakistan , and those other dopes in the sheets, the Saudis.

On the domestic front, poor John did try and reach across the aisle to the opposition in a desperate effort to compromise and to get the Congress to do something. You may not agree with his efforts, but at least he TRIED . For all his efforts, all he got handed to him was his head in a basket. The liberals are ticked at him and the conservatives are ticked at him. Just my kinda guy.

Finally. John McCain knows on a most personal level what it is to suffer horrible torture for years and to see others die, right in front of you, for their love of America . When you ask him about it, he will tell you that what he did was "nothing specia l." Even more incredibly, he states that ANY American who truly loves his country would do exactly the same as he did in that situation. You and I will have a hard time believing that, but the real point is that John McCain believes that about the "average American," and that, dear friends and neighbors, is why I will cast my one poor ballot for on election day for John McCain -- warts and all."

New pics!

2008-11-04T00:33:00.000-05:00

Check it out: Chubby cheeks and Fall fun!
Love you all! Go out and vote!

Blessing and Comfort

2008-10-21T07:25:00.000-04:00

Coming to Morningstar School of Ministry has had the most profound impact for Karen and I in many ways. One thing I have personally gained is an understanding of my particular giftings, and the destiny that God has on my life. I know I have a calling in the business arena and I see God working to develop and train me to that end.

When focused on 1 goal it is easy to lose site of the total picture of what God intends for our lives to look like. I've been guilty of daydreaming of future days where business is good, finances are abundant and life's cares go far away. I realize now that I have spent more time than I care to admit looking for some comfortable future instead of living in the moment that God has ordained for me. It's certainly not bad to think about the future and to realize that God has great things in store for us. But there is a tendancy in American Christians to think about a life of blessing as being one in which trials have gone away and every material object of our desire has come to us.

In fact, what we are often doing is confusing "comfort" and "blessing". Human nature is to seek comfort, but to be blessed is a divine proposition. It may cross over the earthly dimensions, but there is no guarantee that it always will in every circumstance. Take for instance Matthew 5:11 -

" 11"Blessed are you when people insult you, persecute you and falsely say all kinds of evil against you because of me. 12Rejoice and be glad, because great is your reward in heaven, for in the same way they persecuted the prophets who were before you."

Wow! What a blessing. Doesn't seem like much to look forward to, does it? Let's see, we have insults, persecution, and false accusations. Oh, and there seems to be a history of this going back to everyone who has spoken on God's behalf. So it doesn't look like Jesus is expecting laws to be passed any time soon to pretect us from these unpleasant things. And yet, if you look at the same passage in the Amplified version, here is what that infamous word "blessed" means:

(happy, to be envied, and spiritually prosperous--with life-joy and satisfaction in God's favor and salvation, regardless of your outward conditions)

Reading passages like this challenge my understanding of the true nature of blessing. For me, these thoughts come on the heels of 2 significant world events. Obviously, 1 is the financial meltdown that us currently happening in the USA. While this is truly a difficult problem for our country to face, I do believe it is a time for Christians who know the voice of God to experience greater levels of peace and provision than they have ever known. I won't belabor this point, as I have written this morning for the 2nd event, which is the outbreak of pursecution for the Christians in India.

We have a few friends who are native missionaries to their own people in India who have reported some of the trials they have had to endure. When I woke up this morning, it was to a cup of coffee, a happy family, and 2 pop tarts. When some of our brothers and sisters in Christ woke up in India this past morning, it was to angry mobs with machetes and kerosene. Many have been tortured, killed, and their possessions laid waste by militant religious groups.

As I see these things taking place around me, and know that some people that we love and care about might possibly die in this rampage, I am sober about my desire for prosperity in any traditional sense. I realized I can't really die well unless I can live well. I am provoked by a recent email from one of the missionaries:

******************************************************************************************************************

Dear partners in the Kingdom work
This is the hour we beg you to pray for us and our nation. Claim India as a Christian nation...Thank you very much for standing with us in changing the nation one village at a time. In these last days let us use every opportunity to proclaim the love of Christ. Let us invest time and money whatever we can. I am challenged by the circumstances. Pressing forward to reach my goal... .

Regards

Lata and Abraham
for perishing souls
our new web page
http://www.fwsindia.org/

******************************************************************************************************************

May we run our race well...

The Magic Button

2008-10-21T06:23:00.000-04:00

For about 2 years Karen and I have been blogging between 2 different sites that we started. For the kids it was "Arrow in the Hand" and for our move up to the Carolinas, it has been www.hawkinsadventure.org. I decided it is too difficult to maintain both and decided to bring all of our old blogs from Arrow in the Hand over to this site. You will notice that I have removed the link for Arrow in the Hand. In its place you will find a Category link to all the archived blog posts including any comments.

To think, I've been putting this off for 2 years because I wasn't sure how hard it would be. Maybe it was just the right time, but I couldn't help but laugh when I synced up the 2 accounts for import and a button appeared labeled "The Magic Button"...see for yourself:

[caption id="attachment_216" align="aligncenter" width="500" caption="Ooohhh - Aaahhh"][/caption]

I was pretty scared to click it. I mean, wow, magic! To an engineer that means NO CONTROL !@@! I'm sure there's some deep spiritual lesson wrapped up in my happenings early this morning. Anyway, I clicked the button, tagged the posts, and viola...done.

I hope you have fun browsing. There aren't too many posts, but just importing them was a major blast from the past. I can't believe Sammy is 3 now!?

Love,

Ashley

Entering into His rest

2008-10-20T04:03:00.000-04:00

I am reading in Philippians and Hebrews. Just flipped to Hebrews this morning and still wondering who wrote it, although people think it's Paul. Hey, why not? :) These are just a few musings from the end of chapter 3 to 4.

Entering into Rest:
1) People were not able to enter His rest because of their sinful, unbelieving and disobedient hearts that turned away from God (3:12, 4:6).
2) Even though people heard the message of God, they still were not able to enter His rest because they did not combine it with faith (4:2).
3) Entering His Sabbath-rest is to rest from his own wearisome and painful (AMP) work (4:10).
4) I think the first 2 points are different from the 3rd since the writer says in verse 9 "there remains, then, and Sabbath-rest for the people of God (4:9). Hm!

I love it, hidden treasures in the Word of God...or else slowing down enough to REALLY read it and soak it in. :) What a great morning. 4AM...

K

New Pictures

2008-10-08T01:03:00.000-04:00

Hello All,

Our new photos show you how our family is growing. Samuel is such an amazing kid! Ashley and I are always looking at each other in amazement and wondering, "did you see that? when did he start doing that?" Well, today he blew me away. He watched Little Einsteins today (which I am limiting!), and it was so amazing. He is singing the classical music tunes and CONDUCTING MUSIC! One of the characters is a conductor and that's probably where he gets it, but it is totally hilarious and so heartwarming. He does this sawing motion in time with the music he's humming, and he is so proud when we applaud. The best thing is that Alabaster is now clapping as well, so he is doubly proud when she claps for him. :) You'll see in the video where he is "ready for church" that he is just the funniest boy with Bob the Tomato slippers I got at a local consignment sale. He also started saying this week "I love Baby Sit-ter". And he does! He crawls around on the floor with her, and they laugh it up as they collide and crawl! It's so awesome.

She is now very adept at maneuvering the stairs. She heads for the stairs any time your back is turned. She was only able to climb up the stairs, but I taught her to go down the stairs like my mom taught Samuel at the Waxleaf Green house...although I think he picked it up faster...*shrug*

For now, I've got to run. But take a look at the pictures from our friend Tony's visit. I've decided to adopt Tony into our family as Uncle Tony for my side of the family. :) He is totally the same and not the same Tony whom we knew in Huntsville...always challenging my ways of thinking about things. But I have to say that he was definitely sent to us (Ashley and me) from God even now and way back when. I'll never see things in the same way again...I think he would be proud of that. :)

Love,
K

Pearl for the week: Give thanks IN every circumstance, not FOR every circumstance. (1 Thess 5:18)

I Know

2008-10-03T22:29:00.000-04:00

Certainly the past 2 years transitioning our lives up to Charlotte have required the greatest step of faith I've ever taken to follow the Lord. When life get's tough, I think everyone takes the opportunity to grasp for the fundamental truths on which they've built their lives. I find sometimes, that the greatest step of faith is not a "step" at all...it is mearly the decision to plant one's feet firmly and resist the temptation to give up on the destiny that God has for our lives. This song by Darrell Evans sums up my experience tonight:

I Know

Though I'm walling through the valley
Of the darkest hour I've known
Lord don't You leave me all alone
When I'm surrounded by the shadows
That seem to feed my fear
I will trust You
Though I may not feel You here

But I know that Your love is unfailing
O I know Your grace is so amazing
O I know even though my faith be shaken
O I still know I’ll never be forsaken
‘Cause You’re always faithful
I know

When my bed has been floating
On the flood of all my tears
Seems as though my joy has disappeared
Still I will not put my hope
In what I feel or see
I will cling to You
And Trust You’re holding me

Cause I know that Your love is unfailing
O I know Your grace is so amazing
O I know even though my faith be shaken
O I still know I’ll never be forsaken
‘Cause You’re always faithful
I know
I worship You
I look to You
I trust You with my life
I worship You
I look to You
Come lift my head up high

Lord I don’t know where I’m walking
But I’ll take it day by day
And I’ll hold Your hand
And You will lead the way

And I know that Your love is unfailing
O I know Your grace is so amazing
O I know even though my faith be shaken
O I still know I’ll never be forsaken
‘Cause You’re always faithful
I know
*******************************************

Lord, shake everything that can be shaken. All that will remain are those things which are built on the un-movable rock, which is Jesus Christ.

For Samuel

2008-09-27T01:32:00.000-04:00

Tonight, I am making an effort to chronicle Samuel's happenings (AKA Arrow in the Hand). With Uncle Tony and Daddy downstairs watching the presidential debate, Samuel came upstairs and grabbed his guitar. He sat in the chair that was next to mine with guitar in hand. He laid it across his lap and told me " Mommy, sing for you". He then started to strum his perpetually out-of-tune guitar and sing Jesus Loves Me in its entirety. I focused all my attention on him while he sang and applauded heartily at the end--to which he was pleased and responded by pretending not to notice. Then he segued into the ABCs. I applauded again and he started to sing "1-2-3 Jesus loves me, 1-2, A-B-C" because he couldn't remember the other words. How he loves music...then he went down and sang for Daddy.

Hahaha! I just remembered that one of his new favorites to watch since Uncle Tony has been here is Denise Austin's workout video for Pregnant/Post Partum Women. It is so funny. He loves the music and movement. She is dressed in pink and purple with poofy hair and these 2 women who are 4 and 8 weeks post partum. They have virtually no flab...these poor women who aren't smiling.
I get up and start moving around with Samuel until I realize that I am actually exercising and then I slow to a stop. It is a weird -somewhat- flashback feeling. He watched it twice, but now he is onto something else. Who knows when or if he will ever watch it again, but I wanted to put it down so that he will never forget. :) Love you, little boy.

Happenings around the house

2008-09-23T00:08:00.000-04:00

Here are just some happenings around the house:

One morning Samuel finds a guitar that we purposefully let run out of battery power. "Where the batteries? I find it." So I hear him going around and a drawer or two opens and bangs shut. Then he finds Ashley's guitar stand in one corner of his room. He brings it in the hallway and pulls up the top piece that is folded down when not in use and uses it as a microphone. "Wadies and Gen-tol-man. I find the battewies *jibber jabber* today. Thank you beddy much." Slams the piece back down. Did he actually find them? No. But it was classic Samuel. I love that little boy who is growing up way too fast.

Allie wakes up from naps or in the morning. She crawls to the end of the bed we've lowered and starts talking--"Di-di-di-da-da-da-di-du-du-du, etc." She has learned to spit things out and push them away. Throwing her sippy cup and various objects make her so happy. She loves to "talk" with her brother. It is also known as screaming in high pitches at each other, growling, or just yelling in general. They really have a great time and seem to understand each other. :) She is very hefty and very strong. Daddy will have to be on guard. She will be a force to be reckoned with. Mommy will sit back and watch the fun. :)

Mommy is learning to adjust to having a house again instead of everything at her fingertips. Stairs are good for climbing and strengthening muscles. She is learning again more on what it means to lean into the Lord. One stressful day recently, when mommy was yelling "JESUS!" Samuel came up and said, "Sh!! Too Woud (loud)! Wisten to Mi-sook (music)!" He did this twice, and the song playing was from the A to Z Promises for Kids CD. At that particular moment was a song about grace:

My grace, my grace, my grace is sufficient, children.
My grace, my grace, my grace is sufficient, child.
For God is able to make His grace abound...

What a blessing Samuel is...

Daddy is learning how to play with portable fire, AKA the grill. No singed eyebrows, but I can't say that about the meat. But we've only done it once now. :) Samuel, who is normally not a big fan of meat, requested "more meat". Allie on the other hand is a voracious omnivore, especially meat. She is more like her mother. I think Cheerios are not in fashion anymore. :)

So...this is what is happening on our end of things so far! Stay tuned for more antics and action from Samuel and Alabaster!

Oh Toodles! (as Samuel would say)

Kids!

2008-09-16T23:36:00.000-04:00

There are new pictures posted of the kids. I am, in a sense, writing by moonlight. The kids are all snuggled with Ashley on the bed, even though Samuel has his own. :) Sometimes there is nothing better than snuggling off to sleep next to Daddy.

Samuel is a wonder to behold. He does something amazing everyday. Sometimes it scares me and sometimes it's so redeeming. He started saying "erk" to put on the brakes when he pushes the truck around. When he ate too much a few days ago, he came over and said "Pray for my belly". We prayed and then he promptly went to the bathroom. :) He loves music. He loves to dance. He loves Little Einsteins. There's music throughout, so he is always moving! I like Little Einsteins better than Blues Clues. It's much more peaceful around here--a little. Whew...

Little Alabaster Raine is a total ham and a force to be reckoned with. Her brother, God bless him, does not know what she is capable of right now. But I can see it in her...probably because it was in me. She is a goof with many faces. She knows what she wants, and she is not afraid to fight back--if only she could get her limbs to cooperate. She loves to eat. She hasn't turned anything down yet. Her latest thing is that she'll drink water and then spit it out again, and she won't wear a bib (she did today). Her record so far is 4 complete outfit changes in one day. She loves to climb. Anything and everything she'll climb. She'll climb on me, using my hair to pull herself up. This is a great time in our lives. Wish you all could be here to see it and experience these kids.

Goodnight and God bless you,
K

New House photos posted

2008-09-11T01:07:00.000-04:00

Look under "OTHER LINKS" for our Hawkins photos in NC. We're actually in SC now, though.

Deux

2008-09-11T00:33:00.000-04:00

Moving is rough. Physically and mentally. Other than the aching muscles and trying to figure out where everything goes, it is--once again--the realization that we are here and not there and not where we used to be. Where is that and why exactly are we here?

Good question.

All these questions swim around in your mind while you are busy, but when silence falls and you're staring at the ceiling, it falls HARD.

Act 2, Scene 1.

I think I'm revisiting all those questions I had when we first moved here. Are we really supposed to be here? What is this chapter of our life for? Do I have a purpose? What is it? Will we even know now? What do I do in the meantime?

As I wait, I know deep down that it will be ok. Whatever it is, whatever He wants...as I pursue Him...and then the reassurance comes. I know where I've been, what my responses would've been a year--2 years ago.

I've changed. Amazing. Through all this seeming chaos and craziness, He has done a work in me. Can you tell? Maybe. He knows it and I know it. And maybe I'll tell Ashley.

I'm thankful He's teaching me again to be thankful. Thankful we have electricity and water and gas and money to buy gas and healthy kids who throw things all around the house so that it looks like you never cleaned it anyway.

Thankful to have a house. Thankful for space for Samuel to run and jump and play "Get You" with Daddy without having to worry about neighbors downstairs banging in protest. Thankful for grass that we have to water. Thankful for a garage and being able to bring groceries in the house without climbing stairs (15) and holding 2 kids in my arms. Thankful for our parents; thankful for Ashley's mom for staying to watch the kids while we unpacked/almost done! SO thankful.

WE ARE BLESSED.

It's Boot Camp

2008-07-04T22:06:00.000-04:00

Dear Friends,

Below is a song called LORD I WANT TO KNOW YOU by Steve Fry. It was a song I learned long ago at Shocco Springs summer camp in Talladega, AL. God brought these to mind lately during some testing.

Just the time I think I'm at peace with the world that's mine,

I feel at ease, I feel at home, and I know I'm not alone.

Then in my rest, there comes a test that shakes me 'til again I know

That what I had is not enough, and again I've got to grow.

Lord, I want to know You more

Deep within my heart I want to know You

Oh, I want to know You.

And I would give my final breath

To know You in Your death and resurrection,

Lord, I want to know You more,

Lord, I want to know You more.

The full supply I find as I move closer to the heart of God,
To strengthen me, to nourish me, and to fill my mind with Him.
I've truly grown, but even so my hunger hasn't gone away
Still I long, still I thirst, to know Him more each day.

When we first came to NC, Ashley went through Boot Camp here with the Morningstar School of Ministry. They were put through various activities to push them to their limits--mentally and/or physically. It was a phrase that I used often during those early days. "It's Boot Camp!"

Whenever I (or we) faced hardship, it gave me the courage/push to keep going and face those trials because I knew that it would make me stronger on the other side and really--sometimes I didn't have the choice whether or not I wanted to. Those precious trials taught me to lean on Him, cling to Him, and to know Him in ways that I never would have known Him otherwise...and I rest assured that all of this is for my good.

For that, I am truly thankful.

K

Looking Back

2008-06-21T00:36:00.000-04:00

Â

"The opportunity of a lifetime has to be taken during the lifetime of the opportunity"

Two years ago this month, Karen and I came to the Charlotte/Fort Mill area to visit the newly renovated Heritage International Ministries Facility for the '06 Holy Spirit Conference. Sammy was 11 months old. Before he was born, we had become used to travelling to conferences several times a year, but with a little one in tow, we decided we must be a little more selective in how much we could travel. We had been asking the Lord, and felt strongly that we should attend this particular conference instead of flying out to IHOP for a different conference around the same time. Life was normal...going as planned, and we had no idea that we were on the verge of being thrust out into a new season of life.

At the conference, the Lord interrupted our comfortableÂ lives, and shocked us with the sense that we were supposed to drop everything and move to Charlotte to attend the Morningstar School of Ministry. I came home, applied for the school after a short period of seeking clarity, and was accepted. We moved to Charlotte 3 months later in September 2006. It was surreal leaving the family and friends who love us, quitting a wonderful government job, and downsizing our lives from our 2500 sq ft house to a tiny 1000 sq ft apartment with no job or income. This transition was one of the most difficult moves I had ever made in life. I remember countless days of smells, daydreams, and fleeting thoughts reminding me of the comforts of home...the familiarity. I was amazed at the clarity and peace we experienced in our hearts which verified that we were just where we needed to be. And yet, such pain and longing to return to loved ones and familiar settings....and a steady income!

We have survived the transition, and the Lord continues since that time to dig into the deep recesses of our lives and meddle with our comfort zones and lead us on what seems to be our very own personal version of the wilderness experience that the Israelites experienced in the Exodus. Today I see more clearly the destiny that God has intended for our family, and I often wonder howÂ life would have been if we had not quickly responded to God's invitation. Our time here has been vital to instill in us the framework and understanding to begin moving forward in our destiny. We are only taking little baby steps at this point, but we are moving forward.

Sometimes the leadings of God are more subtle than we realize, or sometimes they simply seem absurd. For sure I've missed other invitations to follow the Lord into other experiences, but in His grace, we were able to follow this time. What subtle leadings do you suppose you have been putting off from the Lord lately? He is speaking to us all the time, and there are many ways in means in which he speaks. But probably the easiest way to not miss those subtle leadings is to just stop and ask the Holy Spirit to show us what we've been missing. It seems too simple...too childlike, but this is the nature of God's kingdom. We must come as little children. Who knows...you might be on the verge of your own life-changing experience with God.

New photos posted

2008-06-12T22:49:00.000-04:00

Dear Friends,

We've had our hands full lately, but we wanted to let you know that we are still here. Our house is being built, and today we took a visit (forgot the camera). The roof's finished, the windows are in and at least one door is up...

We've posted some new photos, and the fun is just beginning! Samuel and little Miss Alabaster are getting along, and it is so funny to see their reaction to each other. It's getting more fun as she is learning to pull things towards her and try to crawl.

Today she and Samuel were sitting next to each other on the floor while we were playing with the blocks, and she had been gnawing on one. Then she decided that she wanted Samuel's shirt and started to stroke and grab the fabric. Samuel would reposition himself just out of her reach or pull his shirt out of her grasp. But he was very nice about it and didn't push her head to knock her down as he's been known to do. She grabbed him with her slobbery hand, and he just gave me the funniest face: totally exasperated, blinking eyes and one solitary word "YUCK". It was the perfect picture of 'patient endurance'. But he was so nice about it, I just laughed and laughed.

She loves her big brother--he's her biggest, most lively toy, and I'll bet she's plotting how to chase him and get back at him already. I love it. I am so blessed.

Ashley is putting Samuel to bed right now and reading the book we got from the library PEEK-A-MOO. A cow comes out of hiding in each scene with the words Peek-a-Moo! after the question is asked, "Do you see a cow?" or "I don't see a cow, do you?" It gets old after the 20th (or more) time each day, and I wonder why on earth I ever borrowed that book... :) But I am glad to see him laughing and to spend that time with him.

Make sure you let your loved ones know how much they are loved today.
Good night,
Karen

Do Not Fear Trouble

2008-03-16T07:09:00.000-04:00

"I have told you these things, so that in me you may have peace. In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world." - JohnÂ 16:33

I think as Christians living in one of theÂ most peaceful and prosperous nations of all time, it is easy for us to forget the clear message of Jesus is that his followers will suffer trouble...AND overcome it! Personally I find myself always seeking to find a life of comfort that will allow me to sit back, relax, and enjoy a life filled with ignorance of the trouble others are facing, or the trouble that might be trying to lurk at my own doorstep. Thankfully, the Lord hasn't given up on me yet, so He constantly allows trouble to come my way in order that I will learn the second part of this passage, which is the vital truth that my Lord has already overcome every obstacle that I will ever face, and if we are to become like him, we must also learn to thrive in troubled times.

Jesus was no stranger himself to trouble. He repeatedly stirred the anger of the religious folk in his time, so much so, that they had him murdered after repeatedly failed attempts. In fact, as he spoke the passage I have posted above, he knew his time was about to come, and that all of his disciples were about to abandon him, leaving him with only his Heavenly Father for strength. His message to the disciples at this time was an astounding triumph. "I HAVE overcome the world." In his heart, he had conquered the internal anxiety of suffering and trouble, and was able to have peace in the most troublesome time of his entire life.

Ever since my family's journey began up here at Morningstar, the Lord has been teaching me about trouble. I remember years ago hearing a pastor tell of how God told him to move to another city, and how God confirmed his willÂ by allowing the man to sell his house in a matter of days after putting it on the market. I just knew that God would also confirm his desire for us to move up here by giving us the same treatment. Oh boy was I wrong. After having a bad experience with renters, the Lord clearly spoke to me to sell our house last June, and I was sure it would sell within the month. It has taken nearly a year to sell the house, and I assure you it was for no lack of faith, fasting, declaring, praying, obeying, and hearing. The Lord's word to me wasÂ very clear to sell, and every time I inquired again about another means to take off the burden, God would speak clearly that we should sell, and not rent again. I know the Lord must have been enjoying himself as he watched us pay the monthly mortgage AND the rent of our apartment, knowing how much squirming I was doing to get out of the circumstance. Some might say that we didn't have enough faith or we would have had a resolution sooner. But something deeper was going on through the trouble that I could not pay enough money to learn - I was learning to overcome my trouble, not just get out of it.

To overcome trouble is one of the most valuable experiences that a person of faith can ever experience. To be quickly relieved of every problem of life doesn't necessarilyÂ mean that God is smiling upon us, because without trouble we have no opportunity to learn to have peace in God when the world seems to be coming down at it's foundation. This is what is meant by Jesus' parable of the 2 men who built houses - one on the sand and one on the rock. The house built on sand did not pass the test of the storm because the foundation was not strong enough. Jesus' message in that parable was not that we should build the house in a location that is protected from all storms. That's absurd and impossible. He just recommended building on a firm foundation. How is that applied to life practically? Well, in my example with my home and moving to Morningstar, I had to learn that I will not make my decisions in life based upon the most financially beneficial situation. I must learn to follow God, even when that sometime means the loss of something I enjoy having in this life. Isn't this the message of the Gospel? He who finds his life will lose it, but he who loses his life for my sake will find it - these are the words of Jesus. I cannot imagine how disappointing life would have been if I had not made this move. God's purposes have come alive in our family through our obedience to move into a new city and be a part of the Body of Christ here locally. But it has cost us dearly to make this move, and all the while, God is teaching me that life isn't about the money I can make to have a comfortable life. It is about learning to walk with him, having a heart that is full of peace and free of anxiety, knowing that Christ in me has overcome every trial of life. That is something money cannot purchase. I have not fully arrived at this reality, but I am well on my way. My prayer is that you tooÂ will move forward in the reality that you no longer must fear trouble, but that you will learn to overcome trouble through Christ who lives in your heart. Check out this same scripture in the Amplified Version:

"I have told you these things, so that in Me you may have [perfect] peace and confidence. In the world you have tribulation and trials and distress and frustration; but be of good cheer [take courage; be confident, certain, undaunted]! For I have overcome the world. [I have deprived it of power to harm you and have conquered it for you.]" - John 16:33

New Pictures

2008-03-06T18:33:00.000-05:00

Just letting you know that there are 10 new pictures at Allie's web album "New Addition" and 3 new ones of Samuel in "Samuel at Play". It's under OTHER LINKS in the right-hand column.
These pictures feature Allie's modeling debut in our designer friend Rheba James' creations. If you are interested more in her designs, go to www.rhebajames.com
Allie was a little sleepy but still the cutie-pie. Samuel is such a funny little man with his new phrases and words. "Wha dat noise?" and various others that leave us shaking our heads in wonder. It is truly amazing how the brain develops and how they learn. God knew what he was doing!
More later!
Karen

Update on the Hawkinses

2008-02-27T21:21:00.000-05:00

Long time no blog...we had a baby! Below is the birth story (readers beware!) and check out our new photos located under "Other Links". Blessings! Pray for us! :)

At about 3:52 AM (I was timing) I got up. I asked God if this was "it" and he said "get ready". So I got up, packed, paid some bills that were due and had contractions. At about 6:30, Ashley and Samuel got up. By then my contractions were 3 minutes apart and 1 minute long. I remember this because I laid down on our bed at 7:28 and at 7:31 had a contraction. The next one came at 7:36 just as Ashley was stepping out of the shower. He said that he heard a *pop*, but I felt a wave. My water had broken as I was on the bed reading a book to Samuel. We had a waterproof mattress pad which really saved our bed.

When this happened, we started to hurry because we knew it would be soon (from Samuel's birth). We dropped Samuel off at our friend's house, which was a lifesaver, and drove to the hospital. We drove up to the emergency room and told them I was in labor. They wheeled me down the hallway first to one room then another. They admitted me into the hospital computer system, which was a test of patience, and then proceeded to try to have a monitor attached to my belly. At this point, I was having really strong contractions and felt ready to push.
The nurse checking me didn't believe me and continued to want to hear the baby's heartbeat. I told her that I was ready to push. When she checked me, she said that my cervix was changing as she was feeling it, and I was already at 9cm.

At this point, she was trying to be calm and get more nurses to help in that little triage room. There were nursing students and nurses running everywhere. Ashley was great and held my hand...he even tried to be counter-pressure for me during a contraction, but honestly at that point it was too late. :) It was still great to have him nearby amidst the influx of hot pink scrubs and seeming pandemonium. They told me to walk down the hallway to the delivery room because they couldn't get the stretcher out of the room, but there was no way I was walking.
I started to push the baby out, and they grabbed an MD out in the hallway to deliver our baby. ;) The door was wide open, but they had thought to drape a sheet over the entrance for some privacy. I pushed gently so that I wouldn't tear so badly, and they said they held the perineum to prevent it--but I still got sutures.
So...my water broke at 7:36, Got there at 8:15 and had the baby at 8:50...or so they think. It was really fast, they didn't know for sure the exact time.
It was really great because we had prayed that we would be a good witness when we went, and the nurses were saying that during that time we were really peaceful and they could see it. I really thank God because He answered our prayers. She came in at 37 weeks, 6 lb. 15oz and 19 inches on November 16, 2007!

We named our little girl Alabaster Raine which comes from Luke 7 where the woman pours her alabaster jar of perfume out on Jesus' feet. Raine means "pure".

"A life poured forth as an offering"

Thanks for being a part of our lives. Join us in welcoming our newest addition. ;) Please pray for us as we are transitioning!
Love,
Ashley, Karen, Samuel and Allie

Big Brother Samuel

2008-01-10T16:23:00.000-05:00

Dear Samuel,

As of November 16, 2007, you are a big brother. It's somewhat bittersweet to think that you are the older one and will somehow have to grow up because of your little sister. Yet it seems that you have stepped into the role without much of a hitch...you are loving to her and not jealous. You are such a special little boy. Part of me wants you to stay my little boy, and I think that is because little boys have a special bond with their mom, or is it the other way around? But I see you growing and learning and singing along with Super Why, Sesame Street and Word World on TV and singing your ABCs when you think no one is listening. Your 'X' is pronounced "eck", Q-R-S is "Queres" and T-U-V is "toov" . I hope to record you singing so that you can hear it one day.
You daily routine consists of Super Why, which is your favorite PBS show now, playing the computer "puter" and falling asleep in your high chair after eating lunch (rice and peanuts today).
Your Dad has been taking you to your sunday school class, and you are learning to defend yourself. "my *fill in the blank*!" I'm glad that he's doing it because I'd want to intervene and defend you.
You just woke from your nap and I had to help you get back to sleep. You ended sleeping on my arm and snoring. You were so cute, I kissed you on your cheek. You giggled and rolled to the other side of the bed. I don't know if you actually woke up or were just dreaming. I am so glad to have these days with you.

Love,
Mommy

Sleepy Times

2007-11-11T06:04:00.000-05:00

How time flies! You are now about 28 months old. You love to snuggle in bed right up next to mommy. I don't know what goes through your little head, but it is definitely an adventure! One night you started "running" in your dreams and kicked me repeatedly. Then another night you started laughing and chuckling. I wonder what you dream about...

One night we gave you a snack of Oatmeal Chocolate Cake before bed, and you went to sleep saying "more".

Tonight you woke up and saw me sitting in the bed after your diaper leaked, and you asked, "Mama, whatchoo doing"? I laughed to myself and responded that I was going to sleep. That answer seemed to satisfy you, and you rolled over and went back to sleep. You were, of course, lying with your head at the foot of the bed and giving me about 1 1/2 feet to get back in bed. I pushed you over eventually, and you are now sleeping soundly next to your Daddy.

It is fun to watch you sleep and remember how small you were when you were born. Now you are very long, and it amazes me to see you when you are lying next to your Dad. Sleep tight, little one.

Love,
Mommy

The value of a child

2007-10-24T17:02:00.000-04:00

Have you ever wondered exactly how God views your child(ren)? It's still something for me to be amazed at, still pondering. An instrument of change, purging, burning of flesh...A new reason to be amazed at how intricately God designs things...and how much laughter one antic can elicit?

But beyond the first few years, can you imagine the plans he has for that one child? To change the world he lives in? To affect eternity? To amaze the God who created him with his faith and love? So much potential, so much life.

So much responsibility. Mine.

A human being, weak and frail--yet empowered by the God most high.

Trading Up in God's World

2007-10-14T09:35:00.000-04:00

28Jesus said to them, "I tell you the truth, at the renewal of all things, when the Son of Man sits on his glorious throne, you who have followed me will also sit on twelve thrones, judging the twelve tribes of Israel. 29And everyone who has left houses or brothers or sisters or father or mother or children or fields for my sake will receive a hundred times as much and will inherit eternal life. 30But many who are first will be last, and many who are last will be first. - Matthew 19:28-30

Inspiring Quote for the Week

2007-10-10T08:31:00.000-04:00

Opportunity is missed by most people because it is dressed in overalls and looks like work. -Thomas Edison

Moving Into Greater Destiny

2007-09-30T07:54:00.000-04:00

One of the most revealing stories of destiny is the story of the Exodus. God delivered the Israelites from a situation of slavery and murder to bring them into a land rich and prosperous. This is my favorite account in all of scriptures. It is the first account that the Lord ever used to speak deeply into my heart as a young man, and the one I have continually compared my heart to as the Lord has attempted to move me from places of emotional, mental, and spiritual slavery into places that are rich and prosperous. In every season of life I find some aspect that relates to this difficult journey of faith of the Israelites through the desert.

But until this year, I could never understand why the Israelites would be worried and complain about their desert exodus and demand to return to the harsh conditions of Egypt. From the readerâ€™s standpoint, we assume that the Israelites knew and understood that God was bringing them to a better place. But their initial experience was exactly opposite of what God had promised. God had said he would take them to a land flowing with milk and honey. But after the first 3 days of walking through the desert, the Israelites could not even find water to drink. Immediately upon their journey of faith they feared that God had brought them out into the desert to die. Their default thinking was that God was using them as pawns in some sort of sick, torturous game of death. As my pastor recently revealed, the Israelites knew God was powerful because they had seen the plagues in Egyptâ€¦they just didnâ€™t know that he was GOOD. That is the challenge for all of us in times of difficulty, is it notâ€¦to believe that God is good when every circumstance around us seems to be bad or hopeless?

Anytime we take a step in the direction of Godâ€™s intended destiny for our lives, we will be met with similar difficulties, whether real or perceived. Like the Israelites, often after a three day journey into our destiny, we too want to give up and return to the slavery we tried to escape. Destiny always comes with responsibility and sacrifice, which are things our natural mind doesnâ€™t want to accept. Will my destiny require me to move? Will it limit my time with friends or loved one (like Abraham)? Will I have to give up my job or change my spending habits? Will I have to begin studying again like when I was in school? Will it require me to be busy for more hours of the day, or not allow me to sleep in on the weekends? Will I have to give up my Friday hang-out time with the guys? As we take steps into true destiny, every bone in our natural body will often want to tuck tail and return to the comforts that we have sacrificed and left behind. But each one of those comforts came with a price â€“ slavery; slavery to a system or a mindset or a habit that kept us from entering into the full purpose of God for our lives. To step into destiny, we must uncover the fear and distrust of Godâ€™s love and faithfulness when times are hard and when no one seems to be on the journey with us. We must battle the ridiculous irritations and conflicts that come up in our families caused by the irritation of losing our comforts. Many will long for the â€œold daysâ€ when everything was better. This is the ultimate lie - to believe that everything was better when we were not free and living in the purpose that God created us to have.

From my limited experience, stepping into destiny is a messy process. It is like an uncoordinated child taking his first steps. There is utter reliance on his father to help him stay up and walking, or at least to fall gracefully without getting injured. As weâ€™ve taken steps toward this end, Iâ€™ve had to let go of the idea that every plan will go without a hitch and that I will look like I know what Iâ€™m doing. By definition, stepping into destiny is something new with which we are inexperienced. If everything felt natural, I would question the greatness of my destiny. I started out wanting to amaze everyone with my faith, but now Iâ€™m just excited about the adventure and what my Heavenly Father is thinking and saying to me.

Where is your destiny and adventure? What will you have to do to enter into it? If God has shown you what to do, then act quickly in faith. If not, ask the Lord to show you what he has in store. Invest prayer into uncovering the purpose of God for you life. There is always more than you can see on the surface. Another thing my pastor always says, is that â€œGod hides things FOR you, not FROM you.â€ God loves to see his children embracing the adventure he has prepared for them. Happy Trails!

Great! And then what?

2007-09-03T14:08:00.000-04:00

I remember this old cartoon pamphlet/track that I had a long time ago. I bet I could still find it if I had to. It's here somewhere. There are two guys standing in the subway, one who's about to graduate or something like that. His friend listens to his plans for after graduation and then asks, "Great! And then what?" The man goes onÂ to describe meeting his dream wife and having a family. Great! And then what? A big house and climbing the ladder of success. Great! And then what? A yacht...more things...Great! And then what? By now the first man is getting frustrated by his friend's questions about "and then what". Whaddaya mean and then what?! What else is there?!

What else is there?

What will be there at the end of the day...what will I have to show for it when I face God? Tonight I took Samuel home from church, and it occurred to me to sing to Samuel in the car. I realized that since we've been here, he hasn't heard me sing much or at all for one reason or another. So I decided to sing with what was playing on the radio. He immediately started to sing, too, and it made me smile.

I started this blog a few months ago at a point when I was just getting by, or surviving, so to speak. These past few months have been a growing period that I am truly thankful for (sorry to end in a preposition, my 6th grade English teacher would be appalled). But God's mercy and patience have been so amazing on the other side of these months so that when I see how He has all pieced EVERYTHING together, I can only shake my head in wonder at the intricate design of every aspect of this journey.

So my question is : And then what? Why all this struggle? Why all this uncertainty? In a world where I can make things happen if I try hard enough (my motto up until now)...why would you give it all up and trust God?

BECAUSE THERE IS SOMETHING MORE...

A destiny, a plan, a purpose and a legacy to leave for your kids and your grandkids. Something for that cloud of witnesses to see (Hebrews 12) and cheer and be amazed at our faith in the unseen.
Something for today and not when just we reach those pearly gates. Something bigger than we could ever imagine.

Go for it! (and take your kids with you)

I Do

2007-09-01T08:16:00.000-04:00

What is it really like for Jesus Christ to be the Lord of my life? I sing songs that call Him my "Lord" or "King", but those words taken to the full meaning are terrifying. What might I have to give up if I obeyed every prompting of God in my life? What might I have to do (or not do)? The old addage is very cute that says: It is easier to ask forgiveness than to ask for permission. But for the one who has become a bondservant of Christ, is there really room for such nonsense? What is a bondservant? I think the Apostle Paul coined the phrase. A bond servant was once a slave owned by another person, but upon faithful completion of his duties he had become free. But since he had begun to love the family that he served so much, his choice was to forever give up freedom to be a servant to the other. It was a free will servitude based on the servant's sense of affection and devotion to the master that superseded the law. This is one way that Paul describes his relation to God, and one way that we should also learn.

Does my money any longer belong to me? Can I buy whatever I please or eat out whenever I want? Should I choose the work that suits my interest, or is there something else the Lord requires of me? For the follower of Christ, our lives have been married to God. This is the example of scripture. And just as I give attention to my marriage to bring myself into deeper unity and joy with my wife, I must also pay attention to the daily practices which enrich my relationship with my God. If I ignore my wife I am ignoring my vows to her. And it is the same (even greater) if I ignore my vows to the "Lord" and "King" of my life. Is He truly the Lord of my life, or is it in name only? I am not coerced into asking these questions. They come from my sense of affection to the Lord, and a deep desire to remain near to Him and in His plan for my life.

Thankfully, there is tremendous grace in God that we can ask these sort of questions without feeling condemned, or feeling the need to punish ourselves with self-inflicted suffering. We must always come to the realization that the changes we need in our lives and relationships with God and our neighbor are brought about only by the power of God himself. We cannot take on ourselves the duty of self-discipline. It is God who disciplines each of His children for our own good. He is the one who promised to change us. The God who leads us into difficulties for our training is the same God who fulfills every longing of the heart and brings us into pleasures evermore.

Feel Free to Interact

2007-08-27T03:58:00.000-04:00

Dear Readers,

I'd like to point out several new features to this blog to allow for more interaction and dialog. First of all, I've opened up comments to anyone reading the page. You no longer need to register to leave a comment. So please feel free to reply to my posts with your own provoking thoughts. Secondly, I've created a "Write Me" page that you can access at the top of the screen. Please feel free to drop me a line and let me know who you are, and if you have your own webpage. I'm starting to get busy with life, but I will do my best to reply and let you know I received your message. I really love to hear from people. Thirdly, I've installed an easy subscribe/unsubscribe bar on the right column of this page. This is a great way to be notified when I write a blog instead of bothering to check every day (unless you just like to surf my pages). My friend Karen from Mannabytes has given me a little friendly competition lately to make my site more accessible, and these changes are the result. So please have a good time checking out the site, and let me know what's happening with you.

See ya,

Ashley

Next Level Please

2007-08-27T03:45:00.000-04:00

Everyone has some mountain to climb, some hill to ascend. Maybe it is your work or perhaps you have a favorite hobby and your job is simply the means to support your weekend fun. Even lazy people who just lie around doing almost nothing are attempting to ascend the hill of pleasure and meaning. A glance back through the years might reveal that hours of lying on the couch, watching TV, and eating potato chips hasn't really fulfilled the longing in their hearts, but they are seeking something. No one wants to remain at their current level of experience in life, but not everyone finds the strength and motivation to move on to the next level. Everyone has a longing, even if it has been buried through continual disappointment.Â One of the great things about faith, is it allows us to see past many disappointments and still remember the vision that first drove us to attempt something we really didn't know how to do. This is how Thomas Edison invented this lightbulb, and this is how true followers of Jesus Christ will come into maturity.

Many people tap into the reality of faith without even considering themselves to be "Christians". In fact, look at any great story of achievement and you will find someone willing to bet against terrible odds and overcome adversity. It always amazes me that we see just as many (if not more) great examples of faith in action from non-religious folk as we do from those who claim to know the Lord. Religion can be a hinderance to the follower of Christ, and we must always assess the realities we are living in (and ask God for insight) so that we do not blind ourselves by the practice of useless religous activities. True religion will always have value added to society because when we allow ourselves to be used of God, he will always use us to bless the people around us. Faith is the building, but the foundation of that building is vision. Without vision, there is nothing to "faith" in.

Moving to new levels and experiences in our relationship with God always involves letting go of something that we know and understand so that we can enter into new understandings and experiences. For the poor soul afraid of change, they will not be able to enter into new levels with God. If we are to have Christ FORMEDÂ in us, we will ultimately have to embrace layers of change as onion layers are peeled away. I have to ask myself today: In what ways have I embraced change lately? In what ways have I feared change? What areas of my life am I holding back from allowing God to dabble in? If He is Lord, he must have all.

Selah...

Shhh! ABC...

2007-08-22T05:13:00.000-04:00

Samuel,

You never cease to surprise me. You love to play with the buttons on the CD player and the keyboard, but sometimes you can be a little loud. So, the past couple of days I would turn to you and say, "Shh!! Turn it down!" in Chinese to you. You would then turn the volume down on the CD player--and then tonight on the keyboard. I was so surprised. Even the second time I asked you to turn it down, you knew what to do. You are learning so fast.

Even with the alphabet, you can recognize all the letters when we write or type except W, Y, and Z, but I bet you'll learn them in the next few days. You are the funniest kid because wherever we go, you are reading letters on cups, signs, boxes, anything with letters on them! Even at a stop light, you are saying the letters you see. You are so smart. Now, if we could get you to count! :)
Your new favorite songs are the alphabet song ("B-C"), The B-I-B-L-E, and Old MacDonald (E-I-E-I-O). Can you tell that you like letters? We love you so very much! We are very proud of you.

Your molars are coming in now, so Mommy will go back to bed. I love you!

Fun Times

2007-08-22T04:49:00.000-04:00

Dear Samuel,

You are growing by leaps and bounds. You are now tall enough to reach the lights in our house (and the elevator at church!)and are so helpful when we ask you to turn the lights on and off. When you get hungry or thirsty, you help yourself and turn the kitchen and dining room lights on...and then proceed to the fridge and drag out whatever you want or whatever is in the way of what you want. Tonight, you brought out the juice and wanted us to pour it into your bath toy cup...the one with holes in the bottom. Thankfully, you haven't developed the dexterity to twist open the juice and pour! Yet...

At your mealtime before bed, Daddy gave you yogurt, and you fed yourself with a spoon. You slurped it up, making noises after each mouthful. When we would feed you yogurt by the spoon, you would place 1 or 2 Cheerios (or the Wal-Mart equivalent) on each spoonful and then eat it. Tonight Daddy decided to put them in your bowl for you to spoon and eat. You took one mouthful and furrowed your brow...something didn't taste right. Now, you hate to get anything on your fingers, like yogurt. So you tentatively pushed at the O's in the bowl, trying not to get the yogurt on your fingers while you picked up and pushed the O's to the side of the bowl. Daddy finally removed them (ate them), and then you decided that you wanted to put them in yourself. We had a good laugh.

You also like to help us make smoothies and things with ice in the Vitamix. You sure drank a lot of Daddy's smoothie tonight! You'll take us to the fridge and point to the freezer until we understand what you want, and then you'll take some ice and put it in the Vitamix. Sometimes we'll just make a slushy of sorts, but you don't mind. It's cold, and you like it. Then you'll say "cold" in Chinese!

You are such a fun little boy. You love to bounce on your bed, hang upside down, have Daddy throw you on our bed, and generally use up all your energy. You love to dance and jump from the step stool we bought for you. Tonight you jumped from the step stool, making a loud thud. We finally muted the noise for our neighbors downstairs by placing 2 puffy pillows down on the floor. You loved this even more.
I am just thankful you are growing up healthy and strong--even though sometimes you wear me out! I love you, little boy. Sometimes I wish you could stay this age forever...

Mommy

Choose Life!

2007-08-10T08:37:00.000-04:00

'This day I call heaven and earth as witnesses against you that I have set before you life and death, blessings and curses. Now choose life, so that you and your children may live and that you may love the Lord your God, listen to his voice, and hold fast to him. For the Lord is your life, and he will give you many years in the land he swore to give to your fathers, Abraham, Isaac and Jacob.' Deuteronomy 30:19-20

It's almost comical that God would make this statement. No, I'm not trying to be disrespectful, but today we benefit from many thousands of years worth of understanding that these Hebrews didn't have at the time, and looking back it seems funny that at the creation of the Old Covenant God made with Moses and the people he would tell them to choose life by obeying the laws. Ultimately, what God knew, and what Paul later understood, was that the entire Old Covenant (as wonderful as it seemed) would engulf the people in wet blanket of death that they would not be able to escape. In 2 Corinthians 3:7-11, Paul says that this Old Covenant 'brought death'. That's right...the 10 Commandments (and many thousands more in Leviticus) did nothing to make the people perfect in God's eyes. Romans 3:20 says that no one can be righteous by observing the law (Old Covenant), because the law was only created to make us conscious of sin. What a whopper! God is setting them up for a long hard road, but it was a necessary lesson for us to learn: righteousness doesn't come by obeying the rules. Romans 3:21 goes on to say that there is a righteousness that comes APART from observing the law (10 Commandments, Old Covenant, etc) that is by faith in Jesus Christ alone. If you would choose life in this New Covenant that God has established with man, you will have to abandon the righteousness that you can accomplish through your own works, and begin trusting in the work of Jesus Christ when he died for our sins, and resurrected to new life.

Website Changes/Instructions

2007-08-10T08:28:00.000-04:00

Hi Everyone,

You might have noticed some changes within the past month to my blog. I've updated Wordpress and done some other modifications. In the process I have lost support to the software I was using to host downloads. What does that mean? Well, for now it means that if you would like to download one of my mp3's or my Evangelism Research Paper you should "right click" on the file and select "Save Target As". Then you can save it to your local computer and use it as desired. Sorry for the trouble. I'm still learning a bunch about hosting a website. Hopefully I'll have all this stuff done soon so I can get back to writing more!!!

Blessings...

Help!!!

2007-07-24T09:40:00.000-04:00

Dear Samuel,

By now, your Mommy is becoming very pregnant with your first little sibling, but you have very little clue about her growing belly right now. Occassionally you still like to powerslam into her belly, which causes her alot of discomfort, and I imagine, makes the little child inside wonder what awaits him/her when they arrive into the world!

The several nights ago as it often happens with pregnancy, Mommy was laying on the bed and having some difficulty finding the energy to get up. So she stuck her hand up to me and said, "Help". As expected, I reached out and helped her up. I guess this made a significant impression on you. Only 30 minutes later, Mommy had you in her arms taking you to get a diaper change. You don't particularly enjoy getting your diaper changed because that means taking a precious 5 minutes out of your busy play schedule. So as the 2 of you went by, you saw me, reached out your arm, and said "Help!!!". Mommy and I were both very tickled of how quickly you learn important phrases such as, "Cake", "I-Qing", and "Help".

My prayer is that you learn to ask the Lord for help as quickly as you turn to your earthly parents for help at 2 years old.

Love,
Daddy

New developments

2007-07-21T07:01:00.000-04:00

Hi Samuel,

Mommy is going out to buy a whip for your Daddy today. Last night he ate too many cookies and got a sugar crash/headache. We were already in bed and had already read Goodnight Moon together. Daddy got up and drank some water to help with it. He had to go to the potty later on and forgot to put up a block so that you wouldn't roll off the bed. He ended up playing video games until he heard a crash and cries from you. When we were all in bed, Mommy said to him that he was going to get horse-whipped and that we were going to buy a whip today. But I think I'll forgive him...even though I haven't been able to go back to sleep. I had to change your diaper as well later on because I bet the fall made you so scared that you pooped.

Well, I'll just sleep later on today. :)

Last night Daddy put back together the crib so that we could start working on getting you to sleep in it. You are sleeping more on your own through the night (except when you roll off), and Mommy is thankful. You love the crib and helped Daddy put it together by throwing screwdrivers through the bars, saying uh-oh and climbing on the bars. You love to bounce, bounce, bounce! The mattress is the bounciest thing in the house and you get your exercise by bouncing. You laid down on the pillow and pretended to snore. Then you told us you wanted out but then kept playing (bouncing) and pretending to snore. You are so funny! You can also climb out of the crib by using the bed through the bars as a step, but that's ok because you can come and cuddle with us if you need to.

I don't know exactly how you will adjust to this, but we will see!

Love,
Mommy

Happy 2nd!

2007-07-21T06:48:00.000-04:00

Dear Sammy-Boy,

You, dear little one, are now officially 2! Your vocabulary is exploding! Please (peas), Thank you (achoo and sheh sheh), ice cream (i-ching), i don't know (i-know, with a pause), Yes sir! (from the Lord's army song), etc...
For your birthday we bought you a Baskin Robbins ice cream cake that was mint chocolate ice cream and chocolate cake. This solidified the word "cake" in your vocabulary.

You have found a new love. Dancing and music. We borrowed Elmopalooza and The Tigger Movie from the library, and you love to dance to Elmo. I think you actually prefer the Ska Count Song with the letter Z. You dance to pretty much any music with a beat and then ask for "more" as soon as the song is done. This brings us so much joy to see you enjoy music and see the freedom you have in dance. I pray you will never be self-conscious and be afraid to express yourself before the Lord.

Happy 2nd, Little One. When you have the time, watch the video of your birthday song.
Love,
Mommy

Solid Rock

2007-07-10T15:11:00.000-04:00

The interesting thing about faith is that it is of another dimension. Most of us grow up learning about the world around us by observing our natural surroundings and experiencing the common events of life. We believe what we see and have experienced. But faith is not of the natural, 4 dimensional world (space and time). Faith isn't necessarily based on what we have seen and experienced. In fact, faith cannot be what we have seen or experienced, because by definition, once we have seen something it no longer requires faith to believe. NOW FAITH is the assurance (the confirmation, [a]the title deed) of the things [we] hope for, being the proof of things [we] do not see and the conviction of their reality [faith perceiving as real fact what is not revealed to the senses]. â€“ Hebrews 11:1 (Amplified Bible) A reading of the rest of Hebrews 11 will touch on many biblical stories of great men and women full of faith, who accomplished things that had never been seen or done before their time. They had the ability to see life through eyes of faith. They were not limited in their thinking by what they had already seen or experience in life. They came to a higher level of thinking that was not influenced by past experiences, but by the powerful words of Almighty God. They were visionaries who saw something different in their future that they had not yet experienced. Moses' generation called these future promises the "promised land", because for them God had literally promised them a physical place which is modern day Israel (the promise was actually made to Abraham and fulfilled more than 400 years later). Today it requires no faith to believe that they have inherited that land because it has already occurred. But between the time of Abraham and Moses, there was a period of time that seemed to be the exact opposite of obtaining this promise. The Hebrews lived in Egypt and eventually became enslaved. There seemed to be no hope of obtaining the promise. But God had already told Abraham all that would happen - even foretelling the enslavement of his descendents for 400 years and the resulting freedom that would come through Moses. Rick Joyner has often reminded us that between the promises of God for our lives and the fulfillment of those promises, there always lies a period of time in which we seem to experience the exact opposite of what was promised. That is the time of faith. Faith can only be exercised when we do not see the fulfillment of the things God has spoken for our lives. It is the time when we learn to see that which is unseen.

The true measure of faith of a man cannot be measured by his peers. Sometimes when we step out in faith to accomplish something great that God has placed in our hearts, we do not see the fulfillment of those things. Sometimes that is because we attempt the work in our own efforts as Moses did when he killed the Egyptian. But many times when we have done everything correctly and in the right timing, we may still not see the reward of our faith. A man's level of faith cannot be determined by the outcome of a situation, because many times God will delay the outcome to test our confidence in his faithfulness. God told Abraham that his children would have the promised land. Abraham was obedient to God's word, and yet died without seeing the promises fulfilled. This was not failure. Abraham believed God and it was credited to him as righteousness. True faith is not identified so much in the results as it is in the humility and obedience of our heart to believe and to do the vision that God has given us - no matter what results we see in this life. Sometimes (as with Abraham), the reward of our obedience isn't for us, but for future generations to harvest. A righteous man leaves an inheritance to his children's children. So our obedience is often planting seeds of reward and a godly heritage for our grandchildren's lives. So then, the only way to truly live by faith is to see the unseen. We must be able to see with God's help, something that no one has seen before and move toward the fulfillment of that goal. Without faith it is impossible for us to please God, because anyone who comes to God must believe not only that he exists, but that he is a rewarder of those who diligently seek him. I encourage you...ask God to show you something that no one has seen before. Don't allow your past experiences to define your future. Don't settle for the mundane. God has great things in mind for you. Dream a dream. Ask God to show you your unique purpose in life. As you do, you will bring God's Kingdom to bear in the earth. My inspiration today comes courtesy of Edward Mote:

The Solid Rock â€“ Edward Mote (1797-1874)

My hope is built on nothing less
Than Jesusâ€™ blood and righteousness;
I dare not trust the sweetest frame,
But wholly lean on Jesusâ€™ name.

When darkness veils His lovely face,
I rest on His unchanging grace;
In every high and stormy gale,
My anchor holds within the veil.

His oath, His covenant, His blood
Support me in the whelming flood;
When all around my soul gives way,
He then is all my hope and stay.

When He shall come with trumpet sound,
Oh, may I then in Him be found;
Dressed in His righteousness alone,
Faultless to stand before the throne.

Refrain:
On Christ, the solid Rock, I stand;
All other ground is sinking sand,
All other ground is sinking sand.

Cleaning up the Apartment

2007-06-28T23:04:00.000-04:00

Dear Samuel,

You are always surprising us and amazing us! Tonight you were drinking some water from a glass. Somehow the water flowed out of the glass and went down your shirt and onto the carpet. You automatically said, "Uh-oh!" Then you walked into the kitchen and started pulling at the fridge door using the towels we hang on the handle. I followed you into the kitchen thinking that you wanted some soymilk because you like to get out the carton. But when I opened the door, you held onto the towel and it dawned on Daddy that you wanted the towel to wipe up the water on the floor. So we gave you the towel and, with your little feet, toddled over to the spill and wiped it up--and you did a good job! We were so proud! You are such a helpful little boy!

A few days ago, you and Daddy were at church (which you love to say now) in the lobby running back and forth and up and down the ramp like you like to do. Then Daddy and you start to hop up and down. You've never left the ground with both feet before--unless we were holding you. This brought you so much delight! You were ecstatic and kept jumping up and down. It was such a growing up moment. We love to watch you learn and grow and explore...we love you, little man.

Mommy

More On Evangelism

2007-06-25T00:37:00.000-04:00

Hi Everyone,

Sorry you haven't heard from us lately. This last trimester of school has been a real killer. But I had a few minutes tonight and wanted to let you know that I've posted my research paper on this site for those of you who are interested. This was my final project which I scrambled to get done between a wedding, prepping my house for sale, and having a major shift in my thinking on the subject of evangelism at the same time. I didn't realize how broad this subject was until I started trying to write out my thoughts and justify them with the scriptures and the experience of others who are successful in this field. One thing I have learned is this...there is a lot to be learned on the subject of evangelism. We must come back to the original message that Jesus spoke and we must find ways to do it which are relevant to our culture. Carelessly approaching people without forethought, or ignoring the mandate of evangelism because we are too scared are not valid options for the Christian.

That being said, I've posted my article in the "downloads" section of this website. It is entitlled "MSM Evangelism Research Paper". But I must point out that while I was theorizing and writing articles on evangelism, someone else was out winning souls and healing the sick in their city. While I would be flattered if you read my article, you might be more blessed by checking out Candri Georgi's blog. Check out the Monday, June 11th entry. This is what it's all about.

God bless,

Ashley

Say What I Say, Do What I Do

2007-06-19T04:04:00.000-04:00

Hi ya Cute Little Boy!

Every day you seem to come up with some new antic! Now you are tall enough to peak up on top of counters and tables and grap what interests you. This is mostly funny but sometimes very frustrating because I have to keep finding new places to hide things out of reach. The other morning you came into the bathroom and found your mommies open contact lens case with some fluid still inside the cups. You promptly picked it up, poked your finger in the wet cup, and poked your eyes! I couldn't believe you have been paying such close attention to mommy's morning routine that you learned about her contacts :)

If that wasn't enough, you have really taken to talking lately. It seems like almost every time one of us finishes a sentence, you repeat the last word of that sentence because you've been paying attention. Your vocabulary is expanding daily at an amazing rate. As of tonight, you can say various words including: sure, night night, bye bye, qiu qiu (ball), ball, qi qiu (balloon), ice, shui (water), qu (to go), kai (open), Pa pa (grandpa H.), A Gong (grandpa chen), da da (~goes without saying~), Moe, Joe, Bob, chi (eat), diu (throw), cheese, ham bao (hamburger), bao bao (pick me up), xiu xiu (potty), he (pinyin for drink) "I love you", and your latest word - church. I'm probably missing a few, but the lesson is clear for mommy and me. There's one little boy saying what we say and doing what we do. You are a precious gift and I am amazed at you every day.

Love,

Baba

Another Link Addition

2007-05-30T15:50:00.000-04:00

A friend keeps leaking out amazing website links to me one by one. The latest is a blog page from the associate pastor of Northgate Church near Atlanta. They are seeing miracle healings come one after the other, and this blog keeps up with some of the testimonies. You can find the link in the right column labeled "Kingdom Power". The church's main website also lists more testimonies.

Northgate Church is holding an evangelistic training conferenceÂ July 6th-8th. If you want to see the power of God impacting a community, this is the place to do it. Amazing miracles are happening today for those that believe.

Gene Strite Download Addition

2007-05-28T00:00:00.000-04:00

Hi Folks,

While I've been too busy to write a full testimony about my trip, I've finally accomplished another major addition to the site. I added a teaching series on building financial wealth from a man named Gene Strite who has spent considerable time with our congregation this year. He has a high school education, and is a self-made multi-millionaire. He is also the head pastor of World Harvest Outreach Church in Chambersburg, PA. If you think you're going to be wealthy someday, but are just waiting for God to just start raining the money down from heaven or send you that magic job that pays twice what you're already making, you really need to listen to this series. Anyone who wants to build wealth would benefit from listening to his training. It has totally changed my mindset on money spending. One statement he made profoundly affected me and made me realize that I needed to change something in order to become affective at building wealth. He said that the middle class people are essentially no different than the poor class. They both squander their money, but the middle class simply have more money to squander. The wealthy have a fundamentally different approach to spending and investing. Beyond my own enjoyment of this series, we have received high compliments back from every family we have given copies of this teaching to. They all have agreed that this series is profound.

Check out theÂ MP3's on my download page (link in right column). I suggest you right click to download this series and click "Save Target As". The site seems to have some problem downloading the other way. Bon Apetit!

PS. I'd really be interested to get any comments back on this series after you've listened to it. Drop me a line on email, or preferably, register and post a comment on the blog.

Quick Testimony

2007-05-26T16:44:00.000-04:00

Hey Everyone,

Thank you so much for those of you who prayed for my partner and I during our ministry trip. It was truly an awesome experience and I appreciate your support. I am very busy with responsibilities and homework at the moment, but I will post more stories from the trip later. For now, all I really have time to say is that God was with us very powerfully. So much so, that we were blessed by receiving an '86 Cadillac and $1000.00 for the ministry that we provided to a local church. This church was hungry for God and we were able to encourage and bless them very richly in their ministry. I look forward to sharing more in the coming weeks.

Ashley

Please Pray

2007-05-20T23:10:00.000-04:00

Well, tomorrow is the motherload of ministry outings for me. MSM students are being sent out to various cities in the southeast for about 3 days to do some crazy ministry outreaches. I've been very busy lately between assignments, job searches, etc., and have not had much time to keep this blog flowing. Hopefully that will change before too long. But for this week, if any of you feel especially spiritual, please pray for me and my partner as we go to Roanoke, VA and look for God to show up in our ministry. It would be especially helpful if some of you would commit to praying for us Monday thru Thursday every morning as we start our day. Thanks in advance for standing with us in prayer. I hope to post some of the better ministry encounters as I have in the past. Hopefully they will bring some inspiration to you all. We love and appreciate all of you friends and family who have done so much to help and encourage us being up here. To me, this week is a culmination of all of the training, difficulties, hopes, and sacrifices that have been contributed to this season of our lives.

Many blessings,

Ashley

Photos Update (second post)

2007-05-13T08:31:00.000-04:00

Hey Everyone,

Sorry about those of you who could not find the last post I made. It really messed up the website somehow, and I had to delete it to fix the problem. All that to say, I've updated some of my photos and you can see the individual folders by clicking on the links below. To see the main menu of photos, just click "Hawkins Photos in NC" in the right column of this page.

Sammy Chillin'

Friends of NC

Daddy & Sammy at McDowell Nature Researve

Midnight Snack

2007-05-07T15:56:00.000-04:00

Dear Samuel,

The things you do ALWAYS surprise me. Like last night you woke up at what felt like 3 or 4 and woke me up with a "Heeeeyyy.." and said that you were hungry/thirsty and wanted some juice. Good thing your dad was closer to the edge of the bed because he got up and got you a sippy cup. We didn't want to get you up and sit at the table because you probably would have stayed up longer than you did. You fell asleep again, thankfully, and I handed Daddy the sippy cup after waking him later in the morning.

Your vocabulary is expanding. You are wanting to communicate so much that you babble to our neighbors and wiggle your jaw to see if anything coherent will come out. It is the cutest thing. For now you sing the Belly Button song with Mr. Lunt and sing "no, no, no" when he says "I don't got no belly button..."

We are enjoying your new language, and we are seeing your personality through it as well as your steadfast thought patterns (AKA strong will), but this just encourages us that you will stand up for what you believe in the future. We love you very much!

My Pilot

2007-05-07T00:08:00.000-04:00

I love to fly. Ever since I was a little kid and flew with my mom to Texas, I was captivated by the whole idea of being able to get up above the world moving so fast, and see everything from a different perspective. I think I was probably less than 5 years old at the time, but I remember some details about that day. I remember that my mother bought me a jelly biscuit. I remember flying into San Antonio in the late evening and watching all the little city lights that seemed like specs below. I remember that my mother got me a visit with the pilots to see the cockpit that day, and that she had a conversation with the stewardess about whether or I could sit by the window seat on an exit aisle.

I bet your thinking I'm going to say something about how our perspectives have changed since we've been here at the school, but that isn't really what I had in mind. You see, the most critical part of flying an airplane is really the landing. Any numbskull can keep a plane in the air (assuming you have fuel), but it takes a very skilled person to land one. Being an aerospace engineer by training, I have a keen interest in this part of the flight because there are 2 really neat things that happen. First, when the plane reaches an altitude equal to the length of the plane's wingspan, something happens called ground effect which gives the plane a boost of lift causing the flight path to flatten out. Pilots all know they have to account for this or they will actually overshoot the runway every time. The secondÂ thing that happens is the landing flare. To bleed off speed, the pilot gently pulls back on the stick causing the nose to rise and the plane to lose speed, gently stalling and dropping the plane to the ground. These 2 events together cause the plane to have about 10 seconds of very smooth gliding just before landing where the outside wind gusts don't seem to buffet the plane very much. Then, just after this peaceful glide, wham! The tires hit the ground and screech a little. All of a sudden, theÂ plane has transitioned from its slowest speed of flight, to its fastest speed on the ground. For the first time since the flight began, you realize how very fast the plane is really moving as you see the runway lights zipping by. The brakes vibrate; the plane shutters and makes all kinds of sounds as it slows down.

The funny thing is that I am so focused on this process that when the plane begins ground effect, I feel as though time stands still. I feel connected to the plane and the hands of the pilot holding the stick. I have to put my trust in his ability to make that transition from air to ground.Â Some pilots make it very smooth. But I've been on planes a few times when it really slammed down onto the tarmac. A few times, the plane started swerving left and right while the pilot was trying to get it under control. That's rather unnerving to me, because I'm always thinking in the back of my mind, "I wonder if you can actually roll an airplane?!"

I suppose the point I'm trying to make, is that this imagery seems to be the best way I can describe the season of life I'm in right now. I'm gliding in this place protected momentarily from the turbulence of the air and the harshness of the ground. I know their is a transition coming up fast, and I'm finding I have to again put my trust in a man sitting up front in a cockpit, behind a doorÂ that I can't see. Gee, I hope he's there...with both hands on the controls. I hope he remembered the flaps. The approach seems smooth, and I'm feeling at one with the plane and the pilot for the first time since the flight began. If I can't trust THIS pilot, who can I trust???

Â

Black Eye

2007-04-27T00:19:00.000-04:00

Samuel gave me a black eye. He hit me with his head. It hit my cheekbone--Hard. I feel like I can handle pain, but this one hurt. I put an ice pack on it, but I still have this seemingly perpetual bruise (that's turning blue/black/green now) under my eye that is tender whenever I squint or touch it. It accentuates the bags already under my eyes. :) Then the next night, he whackedÂ my noseÂ with (what else?) his head and I heardÂ a crack. Now I don't have a very prominent nose, and he's missed once or twice already, but this one was a dead ringer and brought tears to my eyes. Let's just say that Ashley and I are very careful around Samuel when he throws his head or feet! I heard some bruises today coming from Ashley's direction.

We are just thankful that we have such a playful and healthy boy. You can just pray for us to dodge his flying body parts.

K

Hard-Headed Kid

2007-04-25T11:17:00.000-04:00

Dear Samuel,

You didn't go through any real biting phase, but you have discovered the used of your head as a weapon. Last night you head-butted me on my cheekbone and made me cry. You've also injured your dad's nose and chest as well as injuring your own nose on his shoulderblade. All in all, you are a total boy and tough as anything. We are very proud of you and all the new words you are learning, like "more" and "doo dow". The last word is Chinese for throw away, and you love to help us throw away your diapers. You'll even crumple up clean ones to throw away. Now only if we can get you to say "Larry".

Love,
Mom

Incomprehensible

2007-04-25T08:00:00.000-04:00

'Our concepts of measurement embrace mountains and men, atoms and stars, gravity, energry, numbers, speed, but never God. We cannot speak of measure or amount or size or weight and at the same time be speaking of God, for these tell of degrees and there are no degrees in God. All that He is He is without growth or addition or development.' - Tozer

Tickles and Trucks

2007-04-24T01:01:00.000-04:00

Dear Samuel,

Today was a special day to me. We went on a normal evening walk, but halfway around your Mommy found a long grass weed that has a wheat-looking head on the end. We pulled several out of the ground and started poking each other. The were very tickly on the end, so we poked your neck and ears and made you squinch up to protect yourself. You had this cute little smile on your face, and we all had a wonderful evening. Daddy is learning to enjoy this journey and the simple daily time with you better, but tonight it was easy to do.

Seems like your favorite thing to do these days is play in the truck. About 6 weeks ago when it was still pretty cold out 1 night, you started putting all your clothes on and bringing your shoes over for me to put on. Since you couldn't talk, I put your shoes on to see what you were up to. You went over and tried to grab the front door, indicating that you wanted me to open it for you. Then you grabbed me by the hand, led me down the stairs, into the parking lot, and next thing I knew, we were standing beside the truck and you were begging to get in. Since that night your favorite afternoon past time is to go hang out in the truck with the radio on, pushing every button you can find in the front seats. I just put on the emergency brake and lay the seat back to rest while you play. You have proven that there is a gene in the Hawkins family for the love of automobiles. It's scary. I keep seeing more of myself in you everyday, and it is a little frightening to realize what I must have been like for my parents to raise.

John Maxwell Poem

2007-04-19T01:03:00.000-04:00

I'm just now getting into the meat of this John Maxwell book. I love this little poem:

The Little Chap Who Follows Me

A careful man I want to be,

A little fellow follows me;

I do not dare to go astray

For fear he'll go the self-same way.

I cannot once escape his eyes.

Whate'er he sees me do he tries,

Like ME he says he's going to be-

That little chap who follows me.

I must remember as I go

Through summer suns and winter snows,

I am building for the years to be-

That little chap who follows me.

-John Maxwell

Interesting New Links

2007-04-14T17:43:00.000-04:00

A man names Steve Witt came to teach at MSM this weekend. He spoke about life planning and breaking out of stuck ways of thinking. I was tremendously impacted by his time with us, but I won't say much about it now. I just wanted to point out a few new links based on his time with us. In the right margin, you'll find "Creative Think" and "Steve Witt". You might enjoy checking them out. Creative think is a site about creative ways of breaking out of one's traditional train of thought and looking for new insight and creativity to address the situations of life. It is very very good.

Enjoy.

John Maxwell Quote

2007-04-09T22:44:00.000-04:00

"He who thinketh he leadeth and hath no one following him is only out for a walk." - John Maxwell

MSM requires us to read several books during the year and write reports. We had a requirement for a book on leadership, so I picked John Maxwell not knowing anything about him except that I always see his books in the airport. Up until now I really never thought of myself as a leader, and didn't care to read such books. I've changed my mind now, and I think that every Christian should have some training in the subject.Â Leadership is influence. Every person influences someone at some point in life...even if they don't realize it. It is important to be aware of this influence and use it to benefit society to the best of our ability.

I met an old friend in the grocery store a year ago, and discoveredÂ how this had played out in our relationship. I'm not proud of this example, but it will make the point clearly. Somehow during our mini-reunion, we got to talking about exercise. He proudly told me that he had never forgotten my advice on exercise and had held to my example. I eagerly asked him what I had said (since I had forgotten). He told me, "You said I should never excercise unless I can do it right". Ouch! Did I say that? That was the worst advice I could have possibly given him on exercise, but it was a profound influence on his life, so much so that he had formed his health philosophy around it.

I think most often we do not realize how much influence we have on other people. You can see that this is true in a very interesting way. Grab a pen and paper, and scribble down the top 5 most influencial people in your life. Look at the names of each of these people, and think back whether or not you ever communicated to them the tremendous impact that they had onÂ your life. In most cases, you will find you never had the opportunity to express thanks to them. Or even if you did, you probably didn't have the words to communicate how deeply they had changed your life forever. I know in my top 5 list, at least 1 of those people may not even remember who I am today...I was just one of many kids he taught at the church. If this is true in your case, it is also likely that someone you have impacted may have never found the way to express your influence in their life.

The point it not to make sure everyone knows how very much they mean to you. Hopefully you take time to tell special people how precious they are in your life. But the point I am making is that many times in our life experience, we have limited ability to acknowledge and thank those important people who may have only spent a few months or years building into our lives. Sometimes we don't even realize the impact they have had in us. But leadership (influence) is happening all around us and in us every day. I pray that your influence is better than the one I had on my friend at the grocery store!

God bless...

Ashley

Beware of Turbo Tax!

2007-04-08T17:06:00.000-04:00

Did you live in a house part of the year, and then rent it out for part of the year in 2006? If not, you can just ignore this post. But if you did, and are using Turbo Tax to do your taxes this year, you might want to keep reading.

Okay, okay...I keep thinking maybe I shouldn't be writing this post. It could come across spiteful or sound like I'm just complaining. That's really not what I'm trying to do. All of that aside, if you fit the description above, Turbo Tax will not properly calculate your taxes this year. As part of my detailed (meticulous) engineer training, I went back to doublecheck the math after inputing my info in TT because I wanted to make sure that the program works properly. Turns out, there is a bug on Schedule E that does not properly account for losses and expenses when you live in a house and then rent it for part of the year. Under this circumstance, you are not allowed to have a loss, and must carry over depreciation and some expenses to following years. Publication 527 details these requirements and a worksheet can be found on page 7 to help figure it out.

I've called tech support repeatedly about this issue to see if it ever got fixed, and it didn't. The good news is you can get a refund. The bad news is that they will make you pay shipping.

I hope this info saves someone from getting audited and corrected. My main concern is getting this information out to the people in my situation who didn't take the time to check TT carefully.

Taco Bell

2007-04-07T08:48:00.000-04:00

We went to Taco Bell the other night to getÂ a late snack while Sammy slept in the car. That's what we do when he's actually asleep in the car - we eat a peaceful meal and have some intelligent conversation. We ordered a Nachos Bellgrande, and they told us they were out of nachos! Can you believe it?! Taco Bell out of nachos?! That's like...Honda out of Civics...Walmart out of shopping carts...........the Hawkins home out of diapers!!!Â Well, anyway, you get the point. Some Taco Bell manager has probably got himself a good lecture about that. I sure feel sorry for him!

God In America

2007-04-06T02:13:00.000-04:00

We read all the statistics and hear the news of the changes happening in America, but it's hard to realize how much things change on a daily basis. Every once in a while, something happens that really makes you understand how much life has changed in our society in a generation. That happened for me this week. We've been spending spring break in Huntsville with family, andÂ IÂ took some friends out doing some public ministry. We met with about 5 people during our time at the mall, but one encounter in particular really impacted me.

We stopped at a jewelry kiosk to share the gospel with an East Indian womanÂ that God laid on my heart. In the course of speaking with her, we found out that she had never heard of Jesus in her life. That wouldn't have surprised me if we had been standing in an Indian bazarre in New Delhi, but we were right here in the Bible belt! I shared the message of Jesus with her, and after a few minutes she prayed to invite him into her heart. She later told us that when she prayed, she felt peace in her heart. She also told us that she had never felt this peace before. We spent some time teaching her about Jesus and how that peace was his Spirit coming into her life. It was exciting, and such a privalege to be the first person to tell her about Jesus and know that she was begining to experience a personal relationship with him immediately.

The fields are indeed ripe for harvest. I am saddened to find that someone could actually make it onto American soil in this day and age without hearing about Jesus, because our country was founded on Christian principles. But it makes me all the more sure of my calling to share the gospel with boldness. I'm so thankful for the training we are receiving that has helped me to overcome the fear of rejection in public ministry. It's freed me up to walk in my calling in a way I never dreamed possible, and I know this is just the begining of a completely different life than if we had been afraid to take the risk of this transition. The seeds being planted in our family right now are going to yield a tremendous harvest over the next 40-50 years, and will impact our children's children for generations to come. Our trials are painful and fear of failure seems always to be knocking at the door of my mind. But when I stop to see how God has blessed and taken care of us in this season, I am overwhelmed with thankfulness.

I want to encourage all who are reading to take the risks God is leading you to take. There will certainly be growing pains, but anything worth having in life is going to cost you something. One of my favorite inspirational quotes goes something like this: The cost is the sameÂ to live a life of complacency or to fulfill your destiny - it costs 1 life. Selah (think about it).

The Imagination Station

2007-03-27T01:28:00.000-04:00

Adventures in Odyssey...

I love this radio series. I listen to it now online, granted, a little less since having Samuel, but I have listened to it religiously since 2001 while at Samford University. It was my company late at night when I couldn't call Ashley :) as well as providing me with some belly laughs at Wooten's silliness and Whit's amazing wisdom about life and in dealing with children. It was like living in that town and being a part of their family. It was adventurous with travels across the ocean and mysterious plots that were so complex that I would pull over in my car en route to a clinical to be able to glean all the details. Engagements, break-ups, abortion, cancer, death,Â divorce, sibling rivalry, etc. were all addressed...and it was just so awesome.

I remember waking up early the day of Courtney's bridal shower and heading over to a bakery supply store when Odyssey came on in the car. It was an episode about trying to control things that we couldn't control or manipulate. Timely, granted things got a little harried trying to get the stuff done for the shower. :) Many times, it has been company while I did chores...washing dishes, cooking, andÂ mowing the lawn on Waxleaf Green. I had plenty of time to listen and had some silly laughs over Wooten's shaving his eyebrows off or wanting to donate a kidney to lose some weight. You probably had to be there...or else you should just listen to the episode. :)

I guess I don't know ifÂ I can't really explain the depth of feeling I have for this show. The reason for all this reminiscing is that I found out one my favorite actors on the show died. He did two of the voices (Tom Riley and Bart Rathbone), and I just cannot imagine life without him in that town. I listened as people talked about him and also read about his life.

I guess it just made me wonder about my life and what I am doing. I don't really have an answer, but it has just given me a little more determination to do something meaningful with my life that will matter in eternity, not just here on earth.

For those of you who have not listened to Adv in Odyssey latelyÂ or want to, go to http://www.whitsend.org/Â to listen. They also have a weekend edition whichÂ has the newer episodes. You can also listen to them on the radio, just find your station and tune in. You'll be glad you did. It is good family listening and discussion time. I hope to do this with Samuel as well.

Karen

P.S. Did you know that the first voice for Whit (John Avery Whitaker) was Otis from the Andy Griffith show? He said it was the most important thing he ever did. Check it out.

Learning learning learning!

2007-03-26T23:41:00.000-04:00

Dear Samuel,

Today we took a walk. You rode your tricycle with your Winnie the Pooh helmet. It was so cute. We walked down to the apartment main building (where we also got some complimentary cookies), and you quickly learned the word for cookie. You said "Cook!", though. :) Daddy and I just looked at each other with raised eyebrows. You had a good time on the tricycle, balancing your feet on the pedals as well as letting your shoes drag on the ground. You got tired and decided to lean on the handlebars while Mommy pushed you. It was a beautiful day.

Tonight we said "Thank you, Jesus!" and you responded immediately with an "AMEN!"...or your version of it, which is "MEN!"

That brings such joy to me to hear you say that. You probably don't know exactly what that means right now, but you are agreeing with me! :) I pray your heart would always be towards Him.

Love,
Mommy

Religion vs Relationship Part 3 - A Personal Experience

2007-03-25T10:31:00.000-04:00

During our last faith course I had an encounter with the religious spirit trying to operate in my own life. Because of the truths I've been meditating in lately, I was able to recognize it, press through, and lead three people to salvation. Our assignment took us to Po-Dunk, North Carolina where we spent the day doing various ministries and outreaches. One of the assignments was praying for the sick in a hospital. After we finished this assignment we were exiting the building when I heard to girls start laughing at my ministry partner, Sam. Sam is a scary looking guy with long dread locks, a beard down to his chest, and several tattoos. But the ladies were captivated by his hair, so we figured we'd talk to them a few minutes and see if we could find an opportunity to minister to them.

One of the ladies (Jessica) was in a patient's gown with an IV inserted in the back of one hand, and a cigarette in the other. She very overweight too. I hadn't realized it, but I was already making judgments that she wasn't really worthy of our time to minister to her because here she was in the hospital sick, and still coming outside for a smoke. The more we talked, the angrier I became. I discovered that she was pregnant without a husband, and had a disorder that prevented her from being able to keep food down. She and her friend began telling us about their boyfriends, and drugs, and pregnancies of other friends without husbands, and the more she talked, the angrier I got. How could she be smoking when she knew it would harm her baby? Why would she have so many boyfriends and live such a loose life? How could they be proud about using drugs and brag about all of her exploits the way she was doing? By that time she was half way through sharing, I had decided that she was definitely just a trashy girl who wasn't deserving of my Jesus.

But as these judgments started rolling through my head, I began to realize how evil these thoughts were. In my mind, I said a quick prayer of repentance, and ask the Lord to give me his heart for these two girls. After they had spilled their whole shameful story to us I could not see any feelings of guilt in their eyes or faces. They seemed rather cavalier about their stories. But I was beginning to feel God's compassion for these girls who had come from fatherless homes and not been raised to know the Lord. At first, we just offered to pray for Jessica's healing, which caught her off guard to realize she had just spilled her story to some Christians. But she was very receptive, so we prayed for her healing. After we finished, I could feel the battle inside me trying to keep me from sharing the gospel and inviting them to accept Jesus into their hearts. I knew it was their time, so I asked them if they would like to invite Jesus into their lives and have a new start on life. These 2 girls who had been bragging about their exploits just 2 minutes ago began weeping before we could even pray as their hearts began to open up to the Lord. They told us how they had been in church before, but had left the Lord for other things in life. They both wanted to pray for salvation, and they even brought into our circle another woman who had been standing back listening to the conversation. She also gave her life to the Lord that day after watching how the events unfolded.

At the end of our time with them, I gave them some brief pointers on having a relationship with Jesus in hopes to keep them from falling into dead religion. They were all weeping and hugging us and thanking us for being there to pray with them. Jessica said she wanted to take her children to church for the first time so they could grow up knowing the Lord. I walked away from that situation realizing the impact that we had just made for these 3 young ladies, and how the religious spirit had attempted to shut down the ministry by attacking my thoughts. Now I keep reminding myself; lights are only useful in the darkness. If you are a Christian, you are the fragrance of Christ. Your candle is lit. No go take it out into the darkness.

Blessings...

Religion vs Relationship Part 2

2007-03-25T09:58:00.000-04:00

It could be said that religion is man's attempt toÂ appease God by ceremonial practices, but relationship is God's method of demonstrating that he is already pleased with man. Religion encourages us to manipulate the system to please God but it doesn't cause any inward change. Relationship establishes that we are already in Godâ€™s good graces (through Jesus) and drives us to inward change because we know it brings us closer to the heart of God. Our fallen human nature tends toward religion as a formula to make God happy. It appeals to our personalities as creatures of habit. God hates religion because it tricks people into thinking they are okay when they are not okay.Â In an attempt to communicate this to us clearly, God very often offends our religious sensibilities to stir us out of the lethargy of religion back into relationship with him. We will look at a few examples briefly to see how God offends us, and how the quality of our response can affect those around us.

The story that got me thinking about this is found in Acts 10-11. It is the account of Cornelius the Roman Centurion and Peter. To summarize, God tells Peter to go preach to the Roman gentiles, and then they get baptized with the Holy Spirit. This was an absolute shock to Peter and the other apostles, because Jewish laws forbid them to associate with gentiles or visit them. Peter had to break Jewish law to preach to the gentiles. This was unheard of, but through his relationship with God, he was told to do it. Many times when we follow God by having a relationship with him, we will break the rules that "religious" people are depending on to make themselves righteous before God. When we cross those boundaries, we will find that we are persecuted in the same way that Jesus and the Apostles were persecuted. Just Google Rick Joyner, and you will see what I mean. All kinds of false accusations are leveled against him in the Internet because so many people are offended by his relationship with Jesus. They want him to conform to the "old religion" (old traditions) that they hold sacred, but traditions which hinder us from moving on in God.

One of the ultimate ways in which the religious spirit affects us is in our relationships and associations with others. Relationships and acquaintances are our primary means of advancing the gospel, and the Deceiver will use this deception to hinder a potentially fruitful relationship. This is evident in Jesus life. So much of his ministry time was spent having meals and hanging out with sinners, that the Pharisees accused him of being a glutton and drunkard. But it was as Jesus spent time with sinners and broken people that he was able to minister to him.

Scriptures are full of instances where godly people broke the law to do God's will. Jesus spoke withÂ a Samaritan woman (forbidden)Â and led the entire town to salvation. He allowed the prostitute Marry to anoint him with oil and wash his feet bringing the scorn of every religious person watching.Â Elisha laid on a dead boy's body to bring him back to life. You just couldn't touch dead bodies according to Jewish law, especially if you were a minister. David and his men ate the holy bread and God blessed themÂ instead of killing them. The point is that each of these situations would have drawn the scrutiny of law abiding Jews, but each of them were acceptable and pleasing to God.

These examples display a principle that will help us in our ministry and daily life. Very often the fruitful relationship that God has for us will offend our minds, or the minds of religious folks around us. And many times those relationships will bring us into very un-sanctified surroundings, because it is in those un-sanctified surroundings that there are people who really need to meet Jesus. Lights are only noticed when they shine in dark places. Go shine!

Stairs

2007-03-25T02:14:00.000-04:00

Samuel,

At church last Friday, you went up the stairs unassisted and without holding onto anything. I was so shocked and pleased. You are growing up too fast for Mommy, but I am so proud of you.
I love you,
MommyK

Climbing

2007-03-25T02:03:00.000-04:00

Dear Acrobat Samuel,

You love to climb! Instead of climbing onto the futon like everyone else, you always choose to climb up the side railing and fling yourself over the side regardless of what toy, book or person might be there. You climb on the rocker. You climb on the ottoman. You climb on the computer desk chair. You climb on the side table. You climb on the dining room chairs. You climb on the table until Mommy sees you and tells you to get down. You would love to climb up onto the kitchen counters, but so far you are content to climb the small kitchen ladder to play with your magnetic alphabet letters. You like to climb on the playground outside our apartment and slide down the smaller slide, but you won't go down the twisty slide. You will climb up and look down it, but you shake your head 'no' when we ask if you want to go down. You certainly know what you do and do not want.

Like certain foods. Pears. We bought some ripe pears for you today. We sliced it open, scraped some out and fed it to you. You didn't like it and quickly extended your tongue out (with the food) in protest. You also turn your head with amazing agility to avoid eating foods you don't like. For instance, you didn't like the blueberry yogurt we fed you tonight. You ate the yogurt, but you promptly isolated and spit out the blueberry. You are so funny. You are selectively selective. You like blueberries at times and obviously, at other times you don't. But you are a good eater. We are so proud and thankful for you.

Love,
Mommy

Stevie Wonder and Google

2007-03-25T01:34:00.000-04:00

Dear Samuel,

You are our delight and joy! Today was such an eventful day for you. We went to Costco, and you pushed the bascart around while crawling on your knees as well as walking. You slid across the floor more, though. It is one of your favorite things to do in any store. Then we went to Babies R Us and got you some yummies--which you promptly wanted opened and ate about 10 crackers in a few minutes. You were hungry. Then we went to Toys R Us because Daddy wanted to look at tricycles for you. PLUS! We had a coupon (which we did not even use!). The tricycle we were looking for was sold out, but you didn't care. We pulled one down for you to ride, and you loved it. Daddy pushed you around first, and then Mommy pushed while Daddy went to ask the salesman some questions.

It's amazing how you like to push and pull things now. After riding, you climbed in the John Deere tractor truck and played with a push popper ball toy as well as a baby stroller. We ended up buying you the Radio Flyer Steer & Stroll. You can't exactly work the pedals, yet, but we will teach you. You are learning so fast these days! We tested it out on our patio/porch area, and you had a great time making car sounds and making the bell sound (inside). Of course, you then threw it down just to see what noise that would make!

Oh yes...and we also bought you a helmet that you picked out. It is a bright red helmet with a stuffed Winnie the Pooh head on it. We tried it on you since you have a big head (it was 3+), and you didn't want us to take it off. It was on sale. You liked it. It would eventually make some good photos. You look so adorable in it already--and you like it! You are such an incredible kid!

Tonight, you have amazed us with how quickly you are learning. Daddy sat with you at the computer, and I told him to teach you a word. Guess which word he picked? Google.
You picked it up really quickly and were google this and google that. He also taught you to say yahoo! but we think you were already learning that. Tonight you finally said your version of Amen. You exclaimed, "MEN!" You are such a quick learner. Mommy made you some pasta for your bedtime snack, and you said noodle--or the equivalent for it. You are really trying to talk.

And finally tonight, you amazed us with your 20-month-old creativity! You climbed up on the keyboard bench and started to play and sing your own little song. You then paused and continued to play and sing a little song. Daddy tried to get it on video, but you got distracted and wanted Mommy to come sit with you. Then you wanted Mommy to sing, so you didn't sing for us anymore. We are so delighted with you and are so blessed by you. You bring us so much joy.
Sweet dreams, little one. Mommy and Daddy love you!

P.S. Thankfulness (you should read the first part, first!)

2007-03-16T02:54:00.000-04:00

My husband did another amazing thing I would/could not imagine myself doing. Today we ate at a Chinese buffet (Dad, you would love it). AndÂ Ashley went up to this lady who was our waitress afterwards and asked her if she knew Jesus died for her sins and would she like to get saved? IN CHINESE!

I am so proud. I wish I didn't have such a high regard for myselfÂ so that I wouldÂ value her soul over what would beÂ my seeming foolishness and embarrassment. Living without regrets. Wow.

I am so thankful.

Overcoming Fear

2007-03-16T02:47:00.000-04:00

IÂ have fear.Â Fears that need to be overcome. Fears that are being overcome. Fears that are big empty vapors that dissipate when you challenge them. My more recent challenge has been whether or not to attend the first year of Morningstar School of Ministry. If anyone were to ask me if they should attend, my wholehearted reply would be an astounding "YES!". But if you were to ask me personally... I would probably say something like, "I'm praying about it"

Which I am.

Ashley laughed at me tonight when I confessed that my spirit says yes, but my flesh says no just because I know I will have to confront those things I want to avoid and face the things I have kept at arm's length...and just because I know how hard it can be, being the wife of a first-year student.

1) I don't particularly like to sweat. (that's perspire for the ladies) Boot camp can be rough. SummerÂ heat can be rough!

2) I don't like to be exhausted or at the end of myself.

3) I don't like to feel weak.

4) I don't like to fail, mess up, miss the mark, etc.

5) I like things planned (to a certain degree).

These are just a few of the things that will DEFINITELY be challenged/worked on during the school year. Knowing that I will have to experience these doesn't fill me with glee, but it will prepare me for boot camp, AKA LIFE! The invitation remains...I guess the question is do I want it now or later?

:) Now. That way Samuel will have tall shoulders to stand on and keep going where we leave off. I'll do it for me, us, and our future. It'll be good.

It's boot camp.

Thankfulness

2007-03-16T02:23:00.000-04:00

I am thankful. We serve an incredible God who is changingÂ my husband intoÂ an incredible man of God. Perfect? No, I didn't say that (ahem). But things are changing. Life is exciting and not dull to say the least. Eating out is no longer just a gastronomical feast.

Tonight we met this man who was our server (date night). Ashley gave him some words of encouragement, and it really blessed him. Long story short, we were the last couple in the restaurant, I think, and the man will be calling us to attend church, there may be a business connection there, and I GOT A NEW PEN!!! He gave me the one he had. It is so cool! Samuel will not get to this one! ( I may give in...)

Anyways, I am so thankful for the changes I see in Ashley. It's been such a short time, and God has done so much in our lives to bless us. He deserves all the glory. I pray that we will give our best and glean everything He has for us during this season. Pray for us!

Multi-flavored Cheerios

2007-03-16T02:13:00.000-04:00

I am amazed at the variety of Cheerios now. Yogurt Burst (2 varieties),Â Berry Burst (the only "berry" cereal with real berries aside from maybe organic/natural ones), Multigrain, Honey nut, Plain, Fruity neon, Apple Cinnamon, Frosted...

I really don't have a point. I am just amazed. When I was little it was either plain or honey nut. Maybe I haven't paid attention to the evolution of Cheerios in America. Hm. Instead of taking up a few feet, Cheerios now takes up more space in the aisle. Will there be a day when cereals will take up 2 aisles?

And Rice Krispy treats??? They aren't just square anymore!!!

Tickle Tickle!

2007-03-16T01:58:00.000-04:00

Dear Samuel,

You have developed a tickle spot on your neck! Your Daddy's tickle spot is under his arms, and you are sometimes ticklish there, but your neck is a never fail tickle spot! We are coming to tickle you!

Love,
Mommy

Cuddly Samuel

2007-03-16T01:47:00.000-04:00

Dear Samuel,

You are the cutest little baby/kid! I have to remind myself that you are not a "baby" anymore. You are a toddler. That fact was in my face today as you, Grandma H and I went shopping for pajamas. You are growing so fast that when you streeeeetch during the night, your pajamas come up over your belly. We can't have your belly getting cold. I usually just pull it back down, but I was trying not to buy anymore clothes. You can thank your Grandma for your clothes when you can talk.

You are jibber-jabbering so much lately. Today in the Suburban, Grandma let you talk to Gigi and Papa on the cell phone. You were so expressive! You know what we are talking about and will definitely let us know when you don't want something. You will shake your head NO. But then you will also tell us when you are done (waving bye with both hands) and when you are hungry (hand to mouth). You are learning three languages at once! You understand English, Mandarin and sign language. You are so smart! You even learned how to blow razzberries when you watched Veggietales' Lord of the Beans. You have given us all a bath in your spewing. I can't wait to see what you learn next!

Faith Course 2

2007-03-11T10:07:00.000-04:00

My 3 member team completed our second faith course this Thursday and Friday. We traveled about 1.5 hours east to a little town called Rockingham for part of the assignment, and did the rest at a local mall. I was hoping for some dramatic miracles, but none happened as far as I know. But God did show up and we had a great time. We led 4 people to the Lord (2 recommits, and 2 brand new salvations) and were able to speak some very encouraging words to a few people who we moved to tears right there in the parking lot.

I have a few quick observations I'd like to throw out there to keep in mind as we interact with people throughout the day. If anyone is interested in a particular observation, drop me a line or reply to this blog, and I will get into more detail about that particular topic. For now, I will try to keep things brief.

First, I am coming to realize that the presence of God coming into a person at the point of salvation has a powerful impact on their own personal reality of God.Â Since I got saved early and grewÂ up in the church, I felt the tangible presence of God as far back as I can remember. Most people who did not grow up as Christians have not experienced his presence. So when they pray as adults and experience him for the first time, it is very powerful to convince them of the reality of God, and the fact the he is now living inside of them. I usually sidestep religious debate with people until after we have prayed for salvation and the Holy Spirit has come into their life. After that, they have a whole different reality. When the Spirit comes in for the first time as an adult, it can dramatically affect the person much more than hours of debate. If they are unwilling to invite Jesus in, I rarely hang around to argue with them.

Second, ask people if they have invited Jesus into their heart, and if they would like to do so. Most people have no idea that the Gospel is about Jesus taking up residence in our bodies and setting us apart for him. Even those who have sat in church for years do not always understand this very simple message. By being direct, many people are open to inviting him to come in, even if they don't yet know who he is. But of course, once the invite him in, they have begun the journey, and the Spirit will be their guide. Many will not repent of sins until God has come in and started convicting them. I know this is a controversial statement, but very true from my experience. If we were honest as Christians, we would acknowledge that we have repented from much more sin since we've been saved, than we ever did before we got saved. Some of our doctrines about repentance aren't really based in reality, and need to be revisited.

Thirdly, I've always seen God come through in the most amazing ways with mercy ministry. Giving money, food, and other provisions away to the poor in random acts of kindness always produce divine appointments. Our assignments involving random acts of kindness cause us to meet people that have been praying for God's help. We get sent out to pick a house or a random person to help, and inevitably, God has organized a divine appointment. He loves to engineer divine appointments like this. Even when we don't feel very spiritual, or like God has shown us a particular target, the results are always amazing. There is something in the heart of God for helping the poor, needy, and disadvantaged. I have another post on this to write some time, but it will have to wait until I have more time.

Peace...

Apple IPhone

2007-03-07T06:04:00.000-05:00

I'm not much of a techie. My friend Tony...he's a techie. He will probably have one of these when they come out in June...I just think they're cool. I should have bought stock when the Lord prompted me to back in the fall :( I just thought I was making it up in my head.

Â http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YgW7or1TuFk

Oh yeah, I almost forgot...this is a spiritual blog :) God bless you all, and remember not to covet your neighbor's phone.

PS. Tony, if you're reading, try to hold out a fewÂ months. I know the temptation is great, but remember you could buy a whole car for $500.

PPS. Sorry everyone. I've stayed up all night with a sick baby, and now I'm too wired to go to sleep. This is what happens :) Okay, I'm really done writing now. Bye.

Religion vs Relationship

2007-03-05T10:15:00.000-05:00

I think most of my life I have heard people emphasize that knowing Jesus is about having relationship with him, and not about religion. I understood this concept mostly, having had definite experiences where God spoke to my heart clearly through the scriptures or a life circumstance. It's obvious that the main difference between religion and relationship is that religion emphasizes performing certain ceremonies to obtain God's pleasure or feel accepted, while relationship emphasizes the fact that we relate to God more as a dear friend who presently interacts and speaks with us. When someone is attempting to please or obey God through all manner of religious ceremonies, we might say that they are being influenced by a "Religious Spirit". That is, that in their minds they have been tricked into believing that if they perform the right ceremonies, they will be pleasing to God and have salvation.

The religious spirit has great influence among Christians today. Its purpose is to cause us to focus on performing the "ceremonies" correctly and often enough to "feel" saved. There are telltale signs that someone is being influenced by this religious spirit. Feelings of condemnation when we don't read the Bible enough, don't pray enough, orÂ "insert spiritual failure"Â enough, are clear signs that we are trying to work for our salvation and the approval of God. The truth is that God already loves and approves of us because of Jesus' sacrifice for our sins when he died on the cross.

Another clear sign that you are affected by a religious spirit isÂ if the previous statement I made caused a severe disagreement with you as you read it. The religious spirit makes us crave to be in control of the spiritual lives of other people. This is acted out when we make the judgment that other people are not reading the Bible enough or praying enough, etc... When we dictate what others should be doing to reach our spiritual standards, we have unconsciouslyÂ believed that we know how hard they should be working to obtain God's pleasure. These 2 signs often come packaged together, but it is possible that we just believe one or the other.

The religious spirit tricks many people into believing they are okay with God. They reason if they go to church on Sunday and help enough old ladies across the street, that God will be pleased with them. But the scriptures are clear that our good works DO NOT qualify us for God's acceptance. His acceptance comes only by the sacrifice of Jesus. Good works are not payment to get into heaven, but only the spiritual by-product of people who are learning to love God and love their neighbor. But how many people will go to church this weekend thinking that the mere act of walking through the doors makes them a Christian? As the old adage says, "Just because you're in McDonalds, it doesn't mean that you're a Big Mac." I don't have time to mention the many notable men who had graduated seminary and were in the profession of preaching the gospel message, only to discover that they still had not received forgiveness for their own sins. Among them are the famous John Wesley (founder of the Methodist Church) and Martin Luther, the great church reformer. That is another article by itself.

As with many spiritual things, it is easier to see at the effects of relationship vs religion than to talk about them directly. In order to keep these entries a little shorter, I will wrap this topic up in Part 2 where I will give a few examples that demonstrate the necessity of relationship over religion.

Grace and Peace...

Give Yourself A Break!

2007-02-26T23:23:00.000-05:00

I just had a few pretty lousy days. I wasn't disciplined enough. I need to be doing more. I have responsibilities that I'm not getting fulfilled. I'm really not performing up to my own standards, and God forbid that one of you should have a look into my daily life right now. But you know what? Itâ€™s okay. It's really okay. I've made the decision that no matter how poor my personal habits, however much of a failure I feel that I have been today, regardless of how I think I have messed up my chances for God to really position me for success in life, I refuse to dwell on my performance any longer. My personal performance does not determine how much the Lord still loves me. It does not determine my future ability to grow into a man of great integrity and character. If anything, dwelling on the failures of this afternoon will do nothing more than keep me discouraged through the evening and cause me to have a terrible morning tomorrow.Â

You know what? If you think that God can't use you anymore because you really did something terrible or stupid, you don't understand how great, and loving, and powerful is my God. If you think that a decision that you made last year has forever ruined your chances to have a truly happy, blessed, and successful life, you have not seen His greatness.Â When we spend time worrying about our past failures and mistakes, we cannot step into the new pathway that the Lord is opening for us today. To dwell on our old baggage and to believe that it has forever ruined us from success, is to say that we are far better at screwing up our lives than God is at redeeming them. This is the ultimate vanity...to make our own judgments about the ability of God to redeem our past and present circumstances. When we make our own judgments about our potential success, we always put God in a box and limit (in our minds) His ability to truly redeem us.

But God is in the business of redeeming men and women who's hearts are toward him. In fact, for us to say that God cannot make a victorious ending to our seriously flawed lives flies in the face of a mountain of testimonies in the Bible. Who were the great men and women of the Bible? What kind of people did God use? The great King David committed adultery and ignored God's directions by going live with his heathen enemies for a season. God used him to teach the whole world what it means to have a heart towards God. The Apostle Paul was a murderer guilty of executing Christians, but God used him to establish the majority of the New Testament books and teach us all about the power of the sacrifice of Jesus to save us forever from our sins. The Apostle Peter was called "Satan" by Jesus. He denied Jesus 3 times. But Jesus knew of his sin before he committed it, and told Peter that a great destiny still lie ahead for him. Moses murdered a man, and God made him the deliverer of Israel. Jacob lied, cheated, and stole, yet God chose him above his morally good brother as the lineage of the nation of Israel and of Jesus the Messiah. These are but a few of the examples of God's redeeming power. Yes indeed, His power to redeem is far greater than our power to mess things up. Would you believe that God cannot bring your life to success if he can do so with liars, cheats, murderers, adulterers, and frady cats? Maybe you are reading this and you ARE one of these terrible people. Take heart, you have examples in the Bible that prove God can redeem your life as well. There is no mistake too large. So give yourself a break! Quit listening to the lies of the enemy saying that you have committed the one sin or stupid act that can hinder your success forever. In God, there is no such thing. Let's begin having more faith in God's love and power than we do in our own weaknesses. When we are weak, then we are strong! Peace to the troubled heart.Â

A Different Perspective

2007-02-26T22:11:00.000-05:00

Just lately I've realized that the Bible I read is not the same one I read oh, sayÂ 10+ years ago. Listening to some messages here lately, I've had to ask, "Is this the same Bible? I didn't know that was in there!"

The realization is that my perception of the Bible itself is changing--and how I see God, too. Thank the Lord!

When I was younger I would glean the scriptures for guidelines, boundaries and the general "thou shalt not" whether it be in that form or in a "do not" fashion. I was seeing God as a task master-- One who I could not disappoint or get angry with me if I wanted to be a "good" Christian. Thus, if youÂ looked in my Bible back then, you would see all the commands highlighted in bright yellow, orange (rare), purple, blueÂ or green. That way itÂ would takeÂ you directly to theÂ passage where you would be reminded of where you should not fail or break a rule.

Great, huh?Â

Living a life where you are always afraid of failing or displeasing someone is not living.

Take Elisha, for example. Laying on a dead body was not allowed in those times. Even now you would seriously be frowned upon if you did that in a funeral parlor. Yet he did that and God raised the person from the dead. Therein lies seeing the true heart of God. Looking beyond the law.Â Healing and wholeness.

What that speaks to me is of a life desiring to see what the heart of God is in a matter--and then doing it--even if it doesn't appearÂ kosher to everybody.

Back to the Bible--I'm readingÂ it in a new light. Seeing the bigger picture. Remembering the guidelines but following His leading instead. I think I've relied too much on my ownÂ efforts to obey--and fail--so that when I did mess up, I was the failure.Â

Now I am actually reading what the Lord has to say about anything, something...me. It's so freeing to see that He isn't a taskmaster waiting for me to fail so that He can punish me, but rather a Father andÂ BridegroomÂ who loves andÂ a Friend and Brother who will care and cry with me.

It's just the tip of the iceburg. Get ready for the adventure!

Â

P.S. Love God with everything you've got. Love your neighbor as yourself. Those are my new rules now. :) I still like to highlight, though. It makes Bible reading much more colorful.

Fretting and Resting

2007-02-23T02:14:00.000-05:00

Fretting...Ah...what a euphemism for WORRY! I'm not worrying, just fretting. I don't know. It may have the same punch for you, but fretting has always had a sort of "lesser feel" to it for me. Regardless, it's one and the same.

There are so many things to think about when you have time to think about them. Usually it is at night when both the boys (yes, BOYS) are asleep--which is right now. It's like Song of Solomon 5:2

I was asleep, but my heart was awake...

Will Samuel's teeth grow straight...does it even matter because they will fall out in a few years? Silly things like that and more serious ones...

Tonight I asked God to show meÂ whatÂ I looked like in the state of mindÂ I was in. A picture came to mind: A large hand, palm up, with a girl pacing back and forth from one end of it to the fingertip and back again. Not falling off, mind you, but just pacing, pacing, pacing. Even in my own mind, I just wanted to yell, "Just stop and sit down!" Rest is another word for that.

These past few days have been great and terrible. Glorious to see the Hand of God in things happening and terrifying to experience Him hiding His face. Let me just quote Madame Guyon's book Experiencing God Through Prayer Chapter 5:

Although God has no other desire than to impart Himself to you, He frequently conceals Himself for a purpose. It may be to arouse you from laziness, or perhaps you have not been seeking Him in faith and love. But for whatever reason, He does so out of His abundant goodness and faithfulness to you. Often these apparent withdrawings of Himself are succeeded by the caresses of His love. During these seasons, you may begin to believe that the way to prove your faith is by a greater degree of affection or by an exertion of strength and activity. Surely, you may say this will induce God to revisit you. No, dear soul, believe me this is not the way. You must wait the return of the Beloved with patient love, humility, peace, and silent worship. By doing these things you demonstrate to the Father that it is Himself alone and His good pleasure that you seek and not the selfish delights of your own satisfaction. Don't be impatient in your times of dryness. Wait patiently for God. In doing so, your prayer life will increase and be renewed.

Rest. I love it. In a world where if you don't succeed, you try harder, do things faster, more, bigger, better! It's nice to know that God's got me and the whole world in His hands.

Inhale. Exhale. Rest. Just rest.

Veggie Tales!

2007-02-17T01:15:00.000-05:00

Dear Samuel,
You love Veggie Tales. You love Bob. Everyone is Bob. Larry is Bob. Junior Asparagus is Bob. Bob is Bob. And you love the theme song! Daddy finally figured it out tonight when you got up to push some buttons on the DVD player. He saw that you would get up and try to replay it each time after the tuba-playing theme song. Once you got it to start over, you would just sway gently to the music and watch the screen. This time I held you in my lap and watched to see what you would do. Sure enough, after the theme song, you would get up and push a bunch of buttons in effort to play the song again. We are going to find the Silly Song DVDs! I am so glad you really like music. Mommy calls you her little head-banger. Tonight you did your head-banging to some music at the church. It was so cute and so terribly funny! You are such a character. Just wait--Mommy will teach you how to make all those faces.
I Love You!

It's Head-Slapping Funny!

2007-02-17T01:06:00.000-05:00

Samuel, you are such a HAM! One of your favorite new ways to get laughs is to stop, look at us and slap yourself on the head. Usually this makes one of us laugh, and you laugh right along! You love, love, LOVE to put things in boxes and take things out. Mommy had some old computer disks that Daddy was going to throw away, but you discovered them and have had so much fun passing them back and forth to me through the dining room chairs. You love this. I can just sit there and you will hand them all to me, and then raise your hands palms up facing out as if asking, "What do I do now?" or "Where are the rest?". The funniest part is that you make this noise that just sounds like a question mark. It's an exclamation and question all at once. You use this for many different things when something runs out or you have a question about something.
You are the cutest little boy. Mommy loves you very much. Peaceful dreams, little one.

Learning to Wait

2007-02-11T03:15:00.000-05:00

Patience has not historically been one of my strong points. I remember when I was about 20 in college, I could not wait to get married. The only problem was I didn't have anyone TO marry! I couldn't stand the suspense, so I prayed and asked the Lord to just let me know my future wife, even if we weren't ready to be married. This was a stupid thing for me to pray...essentially the same as praying for patience. I secretly thought that if I knew who God was going to bring for my wife, I could maybe speed things up a bit. (I'm sure this was pretty funny for God.) Well, I did meet my wife very shortly after that prayer, and I fell in love with her pretty early on. But God's plans to work patience in me were not to be thwarted, and I had to wait 7 years before we finally married. I was stubborn and didn't respond well to the waiting so I suffered a lot of unnecessary pain. In fact, the Lord did not work out our circumstances to marry until 6 1/2 years had passed, and I finally gave up trying to rush God's plans for my life. Shortly thereafter, everything fell into place and we were engaged.

This same scenario has happened over and over again in my life to the point where I have begun to understand how purposefully God has been trying to work this quality into my nature. It was only this past year as I read a book on divine healing that I finally came to a personal understanding that patience is a Fruit of the Spirit, and a vital character trait of those who will walk with God. More than that, patience must be joined with faith in order to obtain the promises of God for our lives (see Hebrews 6:12).

I think our society tends to view patience as being peaceful and passive. While there is an element of this for sure, I believe that patience is much more than that. I looked up the definitions in the Merriam-Webster dictionary online, and have listed 2 of the definitions below which I believe to be inseparable as it relates to walking with God:

1st definition - Bearing pains or trials calmly or without complaint

6th definition - Steadfast despite opposition, difficulty, or adversity

Probably the best way to express this idea is with another passage - Romans 8:25:

"But if we hope for what we do not yet have, we wait for it patiently."

This passage joins together the necessity of 'hoping' and 'waiting'. I share this today as a fresh word spoken from the Lord to myself. There are things I have been wanting and pursuing, and the Lord has made abundantly clear to me that he wants me to wait on his timing. Why? I dunno. Well, I know he is refining patience and trust in my heart. I know that when Abraham tried to rush the promises of God, he ended up with Ismael. The promised son (Isaac) came much later than he expected, and in a very miraculous way. Abraham learned to wait patiently, but not before he first took matters into his own hands attempting to fulfill God's promise for him. Because of his impatience, 2 nations of people are locked in mortal combat to this day. For once in my life I am begining to understand what patience looks like. It is peaceful trust joined with hopeful expectancy. As you wait on the promises of God to be fulfilled in your life, may you experience the peace AND anticipation of God's goodness.

Tokens of Love

2007-02-09T01:54:00.000-05:00

The past 2 Sundays, I've attended a study held at the Zadok House of Prayer, and it has been so refreshing and needed. We hear so much about the power of God, but I need intimacy as well. I believe these go hand in hand. It's fuel for the fire.

They've been studying Song of Solomon, and it has been really awesome. The presence of the Lord has been delicious. Last week Dee Bennett, Kirk's wife, spoke and talked about tokens of God's affection towards us. Two women had given testimonies of tokens they'd received from the Lord: one, of a beautiful bouquet of roses found and the other, a recliner. Dee mentioned that she had received, on different occasions, 3 pairs of ruby earrings. The first two times she would wear them and then give them away. The 3rd time, they came with diamonds, and she has kept them. :) She also said that God has gifted women with an eye for things of beauty. She challenged us to ask for a token from the Lord as a sign of His affection.

I sat there thinking that I wasn't crazy for earrings or anything like that but what I would like would be a flower or such since I missed my garden. Towards the end of the meeting, she hands out a basket full of flowers and tells us to take one.

I smiled.

The basket came around, and I chose the one that caught my eye. A white flower with pink-rimmed petals, a little on the wilted side and unopened. I promptly stuck it in a grape (for hydration) which they had also provided for us to eat.

I came home and put the flower in water. The next day it started to open, nothing spectacular. But the next day it opened up and I suspected that it was a Campula, or bluebell. This one was white and pink which reminded me of when Samuel, our son, was born. My dad had brought me a bouquet of bluebells that drew the curiousity of the nurses and visitors because they were not commonly seen.

Not only did God speak of His affections for me as a Bridegroom in giving me a flower, but He reminded me of His Fatherly love as well. Isn't that just like God?

If you don't know Him in that way, just ask--and keep your eyes and ears open. He loves to impress. He loves to romance. He loves to woo.

That's my God.

Caffeine Withdrawal...

2007-02-09T01:24:00.000-05:00

From the other side!

Haha...Ashley has decided for certain reasons to quit drinking caffeinated beverages, like coffee (which he loves) and Diet Pepsi. Hee hee. Yesterday he walked around in this daze and drank so much water to fend off his headache. We also went to the weekly Friday night meeting, and we came home early. Most people leave early because of their children's bedtimes, but this time we left for other reasons. :) We came home and he actually went to bed before Samuel and me. Usually he is the one who stays up after we go to bed, but he said that he couldn't even keep his eyes straight (from going cross-eyed), he was so tired. It is just so funny.

He's always had this tolerance to caffeinated drinks. He could have had any drink before bedtime and still have gone to bed. Me, on the other hand, no caffeine anything after 4 or 5. Ah, well. Pray for us.

Mistakes I WON'T Make Again

2007-02-06T07:44:00.000-05:00

Mistakes I won't make again: letting you hold a tube of diaper cream while in my arms, as I get engrossed in other activities. A few evenings ago I was holding you and doing something that required my attention. You sometimes get in the mood of poking at my face and ears for fun, and this night you were putting your finger in my mouth so that I would bite it gently. For some reason, all babies seem to enjoy biting their own hands, and then sharing in the fun by letting their daddy bite their hand as well. The mind of a toddler is unique :) Anyway, after about 3 or 4 bites of your finger, I finally realized that is was creamier than usual (usually, no cream is involved period). I looked over and realized you had a tube of diaper cream in one hand, and a white creamy finger on the other. AAAHHHHHH! You're feeding me diaper cream from who knows where!!! We'll, I did know where, and it didn't bring me any comfort in knowing. What insued was a classic fit of spitting and tongue wiping to try and cleanse my tongue (and mind) of the event. The next time I bite your fingers, you had better believe I'll be looking first...and no more diaper cream tubes for YOU.
Love,
Baba

True Religion

2007-01-25T02:52:00.000-05:00

Okay, so this isn't really a post about religion...it's about coffee!!! Some might argue that those two topics are one in the same. I'm not here to argue, but to enlighten you all with the revelations we are receiving at Morningstar :) Here goes:

Oh Coffee, you dispel the worries of the great, you point the way to those who have wandered from the path of knowledge. Coffee is the drink of the friends of God, and of His servants who seek wisdom.

As coffee steeps in the cup it gives off a musky aroma and turns the colour of ink. No one can understand the truth until he drinks of its frothy goodness. Those who condemn coffee as causing man harm are fools in the eyes of God.

Coffee is the common man's gold, and like gold it brings to every man the feeling of luxury and nobility. Coffee differs from pure, gentle milk only in its taste and colour. Take time in your preparation of coffee and God will be with you and bless you and your table. Where coffee is served there is grace and splendour and friendship and happiness.

All cares vanish as the coffee cup is raised to the lips. Coffee flows through your body as freely as your life's blood, refreshing all that it touches; look you at the youth and vigour of those who drink it.

Whoever tastes coffee will forever forswear the liquor of the grape. Oh drink of God's glory, your purity brings to man only well being and nobility.

- by Sheik Ansari Diezeri Hanball Abd-al-Kadir, 1587.

Your Daddy Loves Me

2007-01-24T08:04:00.000-05:00

Hi Samuel,

Your father is so smart. He figured out that mommy needed a break, so he took you to Sam's Club and drag-raced you through the nearly empty aisles last night. He said,"Ready, Set..." and you would fill in, "GO!" And then he would take off down the aisle, pushing you in the grocery cart (AKA bascart). You are so cute. It was definitely a good break for mommy.
Love you, Samuel!

Hot Pursuit

2007-01-22T13:04:00.000-05:00

Dear Sammy,

I can't believe I almost forgot to write about such a wonderful thing - HOT PURSUIT! You see, a few weeks ago you realized that you could run. You could run away, and you could run to someone. I have to say you look pretty funny because you don't know exactly what to do with your hands. So you just put them up in the air to keep them out of the way. It almost looks like you're trying to catch a baseball flying high into the outfield.

Somehow while you were learning to run, we discovered how much you love to play chase. I say, 'I'm gonna get you', and you take off running and squealing like little boys do. It is such intense excitement for you to challenge your strength and speed against daddy's. You must love getting an adrenaline rush from all the excitement. Sooner or later, you do the most unexpected thing - you turn around giggling, arms wrapped around yourself to protect from tickling, and you run full force back into my arms. The first time you did this I was so surprised, but I learned something through you that day. Not only do you love to be pursued, but you also love to be caught!

I suppose as children grow up and become more competitive, they don't like to get caught. But you are the type of child that is never content to go off and do anything until you are sure you can come back to daddy's arms any time. I am the same way with my Daddy - my Heavenly Father. I have a great desire to be chased by Him, and also a great desire to be caught and held by Him. There is no greater place for me than in His arms where I find comfort. I realize that you are acting out these same desires with me because I am the only daddy you understand right now. But one day, your affections will transfer to your Heavenly Father, and you will find in Him the same glee that you have when you turn and run full force into my arms. I encourage you son, turn, and run full force into your Daddy's arms. There is no better place to be.

Ahhh, Married Life

2007-01-21T01:06:00.000-05:00

One of the great things about getting married, is that you get to own everything your spouse had before you got married. The best thing I got of Karen's was her Martin Sigma guitar. Sure we share, but I'm the one who always gets to play it. Unfortunately for Karen, I think the best thing she got from me was my gun and knife collection...woo-hoo. Needless to say, I'm quite sure she married me for love, and not for stuff.

But tonight, I discovered how much I hit the jackpot marrying her. She was looking for something in the bathroom, and whips out a set of nail clippers that you could use to prune a small tree! I mean, these things are mondo big. Now, Karen really has a thing for nail clippers. Before the Holidays I think we had 3-4 pair laying around various places in the house. Somehow we lost them all during a travels, so she come home with 3 new pair from the store last week. She likes to keep them in each room so she can cut nails wherever she might be at the time the spirit of grooming comes on her. Somehow I'm not worried about misplacing the tree pruners. They are the desktop model...a good conversation piece. Ahhh, married life. Life is good when your nails are trimmed.

Ah Boogers!

2007-01-21T00:02:00.000-05:00

Dear Samuel,

You learned to blow your nose this week...ON MY SHIRT!!! Not quite what I was hoping for as a proud parent, but hey, I suppose you have to start somewhere. Mommy started training you months ago by accident. She has this little game where she pinches her nose and then pulls her fingers off while making a humming sound. It's quite a unique sound, and reminds me of the skills needed to play the mouth harp. She has been teaching you how to do this as well. So now blowing your nose seems to be a pretty easy transition. Boogers...who would have ever thought I'd be writing a blog post on boogers!
Baba